Tales of a Music Mama

Messy Monday Begins...

2012-01-16T07:23:00.000-08:00

Messy Mondays are where it's at... Join the revolution HERE.
More info to come on how to submit your pictures and thoughts.

Beauty and the Mess

2012-01-11T11:08:00.000-08:00

Recently a dear friend (and mama) rode in my car, but not first without my sincerest apologies for the state of the car, which looked something like this:

*The coffee cup in the back seat contains a banana peel. I discovered this when taking the photo... It's still in the car.

It's not like I thought she'd be offended, but I still felt compelled to hide the mess as I tossed trash and coffee cups into the backseat. She insisted it was fine, and in fact said something surprising. She told me it made her feel better. She had so far only seen the inside of my house which is kept, or appears to be kept in perfect order. One of my closest friends had never really seen my mess. This got me thinking...about mom blogs.

Every mom I know, including myself, reads mom blogs.
There are even celebrity mom bloggers. They write eloquently, post exquisite photographs, journal their Food-Network-worthy dishes, knit, crotchet, sew and paint, all while teaching their dozens of whimsical children at home...

And it is lovely.

It really, really is.

I don't mean to satirize mom blogs.

As an artist, I live to create beauty and to breathe it in and I am often inspired by these creative mamas.

Neither am I condemning the blogging mamas themselves.

I am one of them.

I'm no celebrity, but I have definitely projected, through my blog and through my posts, a picture of a beautiful life.
I am only suggesting that we think twice about the standard we create when we post only the good stuff.

For example, another friend of mine posed a question about one mom blogger in particular, asking, "How do you think she does it all, and still has time to home school!?"

With my current season being full--with writing and music and school and a family--several friends have made the same comments to me: "How do you do it all?"

I can promise you this:

She doesn't.

I don't.

That "it all" you're so surprised we can do, is not the "it all" you imagine or that is displayed through a few well cropped photos and highlights from the week. We look with fascination at the mom who has it all together. She documents the meals she crafts, but not the dirt beneath the oven, she features the serene and never the chaos.

In turn, other mothers, regular mothers, tired mothers, new mothers, mothers with sick kids or stressful jobs or people like me who have a very, very low capacity for stress are left discontent, disheartened and wondering what mistake we must be making that our cups aren't overflowing with these lovely moments. What my cup overflows with is coffee...that I've stuck in the microwave 3786493 times because I'm freaking EXHAUSTED and I keep forgetting that it's in there.

Like I said, this is not a campaign against mommy blogs, and especially not a campaign against presenting lovely and beautiful things. I mean, I'm a big fan of loveliness: creativity, wooden toys and eyelet dresses, picnics in the sun and handmade goodness.
I think it's valuable open our eyes to beauty.

But it's also valuable to open our eyes to the mess...to acknowledge the mess...embrace the mess..to even blog the mess (Messy Mondays anyone?) and I'm going first:

I've decided to share with you 10 examples of blog life vs. real life. I hope you are inspired by both the beauty and the mess.
Keep in mind, the "mess" here isn't even close to the messiness that exists in my life, but just hasn't been caught on camera!

#1 - My Beautiful Home

Pristine, no? well this was taken when NO KIDS WERE HOME.

Would you like to see my front porch?

In case you were wondering, that is a rug from inside, a rained on sock and some pumpkins from October. I have no idea how long the rug or the sock have been there, but I'm sure my neighbors do and obviously the pumpkins are from...well...October... and they are moldy.

#2 - Homeschooling

This is a picture from that one year I home schooled...

...This is a picture of the girls at their public school. Post homeschool burn out.

#3 - Wooden Toys

Wooden abacus, wooden puzzle. The types of toys I long for my children to play with.

Plastic VW Bug from Goodwill and a Barbie from Walmart. The toys my kids actually play with.

#4 - Food:

One morning, I made a frittata and I posted a picture of it.

~~Every Saturday~~ Sometimes, when I sleep ~~until 9:30~~ in a little, the girls come into my room and ask for breakfast. Drool still fresh on the pillow and without opening my eyes, I manage to mumble, "Go ahead and get a snack out of the fridge...like a piece of bread." And they do. Sometimes they add jelly.
Not jelly I made myself. Not even organic.
Straight up grape jelly.

#5 - Costumes:

One year, I stayed up until 2am crafting this very sweet blog-inspired owl costume...that my daughter wore one time.

The next year, I bought a cheaply made yet overpriced and slightly scandalous Wonder Woman outfit off the internet and my daughter wore it 6 days in a row.

#6 - Enriching Activities:

One day I made paint. It was cute, and my kids had so much fun!

A different day I stared at Facebook for hours!
As evidenced by this picture I found on the camera while preparing for this very post, my bored-out-of-her-mind child had resorted to playing with my camera without me even realizing it.
This happens more than finger-painting with cornstarch.

#7 - Homemade Clothing:

One Easter I made this dress out of old sheets. How very mom blogger of me!

I probably hand-make all of my children's clothes!

I didn't make this shirt... Er, or the bed, obviously.

#8 - Family Photo

This was one of our Christmas photos. Gosh I'm such a serene mother goddess in my flowing skirt and side bun.

This was me on Christmas. And most of the time, really. Not gonna say anything else about having posted this, other than yes, I realize it was a bold move.

#9 - Happy Children

Look at my kids during this ~~forced~~ impromptu moment!

They are like this all of the time!

No, actually this is what they're like most of the time.

The list could have been twice as long, with a picture for every situation...

For example, all of this healthy/organic/allergen free food that is also very expensive.
So expensive in fact, we have to cut costs elsewhere--like replacing our broken refrigerator door pieces with duct tape.

(Hey, it works!)

But I want to leave you with this:

#10 - The Garden

The vegetable garden.
It is peaceful and lovely.
It is satisfying and nourishing.
It is blooming and it is plentiful.
It is a summer garden.
Other times, it looks like this:

Not so beautiful.

And guess what? This is what it looks like most of the year.

And this, my mama friends, is the lesson. Most of our lives are not fingerpaint and frittata.
Much of the time, our lives are rained on socks and old banana peels, tears and defeat, life held together with duct tape with glory and beauty sprinkled here and there.
Some don't even have the time for discontentedness--they have bigger troubles, like lack of housing or very ill children.

So yes, I am thankful for beauty.
I am also thankful for the mess.
For the moments not captured in a blog.
I'm thankful for the time my daughter told me she wished I wasn't her mom, because despite the hurt, I was able to hold her and let her cry it out, and model unconditional love and forgiveness...

Or that time I said something equally ridiculous ("You better clean your room with a cheerful spirit!") and I was able to model humility and repentance and my 5 year old heard "I'm sorry" straight from her mother's lips.
I'm thankful for this mess.
I'm thankful for the "winter garden" when the ground seems hard and cold, but important things are happening just beneath the surface.
I'm thankful for the "summer garden" when we bloom and laugh and when our cup overflows...

And, at the end of the day, by the grace of God, there is love, despite the beauty or the mess.

And for this I am grateful.

Oh, and this too.

Behind the FAWM Series #14 - "Take What You Want"

2011-10-11T18:20:00.000-07:00

The Grower of Trees, the gardener, the man born to farming, whose hands reach into the ground and sprout to him the soil is a divine drug. He enters into death yearly, and comes back rejoicing. He has seen the light lie down in the dung heap, and rise again in the corn. His thought passes along the row ends like a mole. What miraculous seed has he swallowed That the unending sentence of his love flows out of his mouth Like a vine clinging in the sunlight, and like water Descending in the dark? - The Man Born to Farming, by Wendell Berry

A few months ago, my sweet friends Katy, Sandra and Alice and I made a once in a lifetime pilgrimage to Port Royal Kentucky to meet one of our literary heroes, Mr. Wendell Berry.
Sandra blogged about it (beautifully) over at Art House America.

The five of us (Sandra, Alice, Flo, Katy and sweet Baby S) with Mr. Berry. Photo by Tanya Berry.

Since reading Berrry's work, and since becoming more informed about the effect of industrialization on the small farms, I have become, oh, let's say *slightly* passionate about the subjects of farm preservation and food justice.

I brought my girls to their/my first rally, to raise awareness about the issue of genetic modification and to protest the ban on labeling food that has been genetically modified.

The industry of farming with genetically modified seed is not only bad for our food, it's bad for our farmers. There are *ahem* certain agribusiness entities that are particularly aggressive, and this song was written with the farmer in mind who has been strong armed by the corporate giant and has no choice but to surrender, and ultimately, give up his livelihood.

I brought Mr. Berry a copy of this song, a song dedicated to all the farmers out there who are truly men "Born to Farming" and struggling to do so in this age of industry.

Take What You Want

Title suggested by Curtis.

Overalls and withered hands
A big straw hat and a leather tan
Growin' up out of the dark red mud
50 years of sweat and blood

They moved in close and they sowed machines
They wrote their name on every seed
They milked the ground till it was bone dry
And in a distant field you could hear him cry

Oh, take what you want
Oh, you take what you want

He kept on just like he'd always done
From the last of the stars to the last of the sun
They came rolling in like rain
That rots the fields and floods the plains

They pulled him up just like a wild weed
They called him liar and they called him thief
Hands in his pockets he walked away
They took it all and he took the blame
He said

Oh, take what you want
Oh, you take what you want

You can have my money
You can have my bread
You can even have the roof from over my head

I'll keep the stains in the cracks of my hands
I'll keep the smell of the dusty land
Take what you want
I'll have the peace that lets me sleep
Every year and memory
Take what you want

Full

2011-10-11T11:41:00.000-07:00

I've been a little busy lately.
Did you know that musicians have other lives too?
Years ago, I didn't know.

By the time I was born, my musician parents had given up the road, and the "music life," and had regular lives (more or less) so other than the frequent late night jam sessions, my only exposure to the life of the musician was through their stories.

So, naturally, I romanticized their lives and imagined that all musicians (regular musicians, not uber-world-famous ones) just sat around all day long writing songs and playing shows.

Musicians don't do this.
At least a lot of the ones I know don't--many of them have other jobs, pursue other interests, record and produce other musicians and generally are creative in other elements, and amazing entrepreneurs.

Music has always been an integral part of my life, and I feel so thankful to be able to share that with you, and to write songs people listen to.

That said, I am learning that it doesn't have to be everything to be satisfying.
In fact, it's probably good that it's not.

This post is already getting longer than I had anticipated--and sometime I will post more, but for now, this is the long and short of it:

I am recording my 3rd record, and I am also back at school, full time, pursuing my English (creative writing emphasis) degree.

With little ones, music, school, etc., I have never felt busier--but I have also never felt so rich, or so full.

I am SO proud of the songs on the record, and having so much fun recording them (thanks to the Kickstarters out there!) and I am also stretching the not-so-creative part of my brain by working out math problems, refreshing my Spanish skills, brushing up on my world history and doing something else I love: writing, writing, writing.

It is hard work, but it is already so rewarding.
I have noticed a correlation between the logical part of my brain and the creative part, and that when I strengthen one, the other benefits. I'm excited to see how those two seemingly separate worlds continue to compliment each other. I get a thrill from writing an essay as much as I do from writing a song, and the first is one I have never sought any formal training for, before now.

Since I love connecting with my fans, and I love the dialog we have between us, I wanted to let you all know a little bit about what I've been up to lately.
Thanks for listening, and thanks for all of your support during Kickstarter and always!

A post to come later this afternoon with the story behind "Take What You Want."
Stay tuned!
-FP

Kickstarter Success!

2011-09-14T11:39:00.000-07:00

Friends, YOU made this happen. The album is funded. Let the recording commence!

COMING SOON:

Weekly blog behind the songs of FAWM (this week's will post tomorrow)
Video updates of the recording progress
Clues about the record and the musicians who will be part of it
Kickstarter goodies and notes will begin to go out to all who have pledged!
Short tour in California in October. Stay tuned!

Behind the FAWM Series #13 - "Bankrupt Heart"

2011-09-06T15:01:00.000-07:00

*These blog posts are a peek into the stories behind each song I have written for the February Album Writing Month. There are 43 songs total, and TEN of these will be on my full length record. If you want to help fund the new record, there are only a few days left to pre-order through Kickstarter!

My friend Jeff is a songwriter.
As in, he gets paid to write songs.
(He is also a CRAZY talented pianist who travels the country playing for folks like this)
I called him to see if he'd do a co-write with me for FAWM and of course, he already had several song ideas and titles in mind so he let me have this one.

You may be thinking employment as a songwriter sounds like a pretty sweet...and easy career.
But after our session I quickly realized that writing a pop song is anything but easy.

Someone who is primarily a songwriter, writes material that most people will enjoy and relate to. Someone who is primarily an artist-- or at least, how *I* operate as an artist, is to take my own experiences, poems, etc. and craft them into songs.

People generally can still relate to my music because everyone's worldview and experience flavors the things they take in, but there is often a story or meaning to the song that they'll never know.

Of course there is crossover and every songwriter and artist is different, but the point is that it was HARD for me to set aside me, the "artist" and find my inner songwriter, writing a song that had a clear meaning, that a large population could relate to, but that wouldn't be too cheesy...or complicated.

So, hats off to songwriters.
Those songs on the radio took a lot more thought than you can imagine and I now have a much greater appreciation for pop music.

Bankrupt Heart

Suggested and co-written by Jeff Pardo

Can’t cash in and I can’t cash out
Can’t move on, can’t hold you now
I’ve been filled up and I’ve been bled dry
‘cause I can’t leave the past behind

Got a bankrupt heart
Got a bankrupt heart
Keep tryin to fix
What’s fallen apart
Got a bankrupt heart

Heard you’re happy being free
Wish I could say the same for me
But every time I meet someone knew
These chains keep pulling me back to you

CHORUS

I’m broke like I’ve never been
And I’m not owed anything
Stuck in the in between
Of what was and what could be

Can’t cash in and I can’t cash out
Want so bad to let go somehow

Behind the FAWM Series #12 - "Broken Things"

2011-09-01T14:21:00.000-07:00

A couple of years ago, in the midst of a lot of heartache and grief all around me, I put up the following Facebook status update:

"I want to fix these broken things"

Friends children were dying of cancer, multiple friends were divorcing, and all over the world, people were hungry, fighting, suffering, and in some cases, all of the above.

The thought just came to me as I sat overwhelmed, wishing I had some tool, some answer, some way of changing a million impossible situations.
I want to fix these things.
I wish I could fix them.

At the time I wrote that status update I was asking for song titles and several of you suggested writing about that, and so, a song was born.

These Broken Things

Song title suggested by Anne-Marie Strohman, Lisa Zisa, and several others...

Here I stand on shattered dusty ground
Nails and plans, hammer in my hands
Falling down
Falling down
Pieces run through my fingers just like sand

Hungry without food to eat
I want to fix these broken things
Love that fades and tears that sting
I want to fix these things

Guns and wars and casualties
I want to fix these broken things
Love that fades and tears that sting
I want to fix these things

I want to fix these things

Far beyond the wreckage and the dust

Hope will come for every daughter, every son

Falling down

Every tear will be wiped away by love

You take the dishes, I keep the ring

I want to fix these broken things

Love that fades and tears that sting
I want to fix these things

Every sob and every scream

I want to fix these broken things

Love that fades and tears that sting

I want to fix these things

I want to fix these things
Who can fix these things

Behind the FAWM Series #11 - "Let's Move to Stars Hollow"

2011-08-30T17:38:00.000-07:00

Really, if you are not a Gilmore Girls fan...this may not be that funny.
It may not be that funny if you are a Gilmore Girls fan.
Who knows.

I do know, that there are a WHOLE lotta guys out there who are GG fans and my husband happens to be one of them.

We got through the entire show in about 2 months.
WE ARE ADDICTS.
And now, every fall I long to pack my things and move us to the crisp New England ~~imaginary~~ town of Stars Hollow.

This song is...well...just plain silly. I don't even know how I fit in all the lyrics of the bridge, and I think I actually gave up at one point and let it all sound crazy.

Ryan Miller, who is another FAWMer, friend, and GG fan, suggested this title.
So *I* suggested a co-write.

He and I worked feverishly on these awe inspiring lyrics.
Every line of the song means something GGish.

If only there was a way to work in how annoying Dean is.

The music itself is sort of a nod to Lane's quirky taste in underground indie rock.

Whelp, here goes:

Does anyone recognize the outro?
Favorite GG moment?
Have I lost any fans over this one? Wait. Don't answer that.

Let's Move to Stars Hollow
Suggested and co-written by Ryan Miller

Star crossed lovers lost and found

In the middle of a town

They made their home and stuck around

In Stars Hollow

Every Thursday night I'd start to dream

‘bout the paradise on my TV screen

That gazebo on the rolling green

Is so inviting

Take my hand

Where you lead I’ll follow

Take a chance

Let’s move to Stars Hollow

I don’t care where we go

Sores and boils alley

Constabulary road

It can be crusty bulge

As long as it’s Stars Hollow

(Chorus)

Summer, fall, winter spring

There’s a festival for each

Doose’s Market, Kim’s Antiques

Dance School, Weston’s Bakery

Troubador is strolling by

I hear him from the Dragonfly

Hometown diner, coffee, pie

They’ve even got 2 Lorelai’s

Luke and Taylor

Jackson, Sookie

Kirk, Michel, Babette, Miss Patty

Lane, Paul Anka, Lulu, Gypsy

Everybody’s talking fast

And everybody’s so damn WITTY!

Behind the FAWM Series #10 - "Slippery Slope"

2011-08-30T10:33:00.000-07:00

*Just a heads up, posts from the "FAWM" series will now post on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays.

The songwriting for this particular title was a bit of a deviation from my normal FAWM writing.
I might call it "externally inspired."

A lot of the other songs were written in the FAWM spirit of "going after inspiration with a club."
Sit down. Pick a title. Write a song. Done.

While I've spent a lot of time lately harping on that idea, we mustn't forget that at times, inspiration truly strikes--in places we aren't looking and at times we don't expect.

When I'm not writing for FAWM, there is a little more room for this kind of thing.
A lot of times an idea will appear, tiny as a sprout and eventually, for lack of better terms, it grows SO big, I feel like I have no other choice than to release it; as though there is a weight that exists until I write whatever it is that is in my heart.

In the case of this song, there were a lot of personal issues I was dealing with at the time that now in retrospect, I see were building and I was greatly in need of some release.

Almost all of my FAWM songs from 2010 were influenced by my having been in counseling at the time.

It was a very heavy year.
Going to counseling is not an easy thing, it is not a quick fix, and it is not very pretty.

Personally, I was dealing with 20 year old issues and although it was completely necessary, there is still a delicate balance in counseling between navigating those murky waters to come out on the other side and letting it overwhelm you and falling completely over the edge.

If you have ever been in therapy, you understand this completely, without me having to explain.

I came home after a concert late one night, feeling very inspired musically.
If I stay up too late, I can't sleep and I was sort of on a music high already and I sat down really excited to write a new FAWM song.

The music came fast, and then - I was actually a bit surprised that the lyrics came out the way they did.
It was as if they had been right there, growing in front of me, waiting to be picked.

And maybe that's what true inspiration means.
Maybe it doesn't always come externally, but internally, the fruits of a very full heart.

I wrote this song in about 20 minutes at 2:00 in the morning

Remember these are all rough garageband demos, but TEN of them will be made into a full length record, and you can STILL HELP!

Slippery Slope
Title submitted by Cheri Kozlowski

When I was a girl

I could tell you anything

And you would believe me

As long as you agreed

When I was a girl

Playing hide and seek

You never found me

I never let you see

I can put one foot before the last

It’s a slippery slope

When you gotta go back

Easy to slide, when you’re digging through the past

It’s a slippery slope

Traveling back

When I was a girl

I knew everything

About winning and losing

And shrouding my tears

When I was a girl

I lost everything

Now I’m puttin’ it back

Piece by piece by piece

Behind the FAWM Series #9 - "Your Side of the Bed"

2011-08-23T19:55:00.000-07:00

The worst kind of argument is the one you don't even know you are in.

This is especially bad when you have to go to sleep next to the person you are arguing with.

..or, don't know you are arguing with.

Had I not just finished Mittens and Magnets when I read this title, it might have turned into a more lighthearted song.

However, I had just worked out all my cutesy, so "Your Side of the Bed" became a little more...complicated.

Just like the argument you don't know you're in.

Your Side of the Bed

Title suggested by Wendy Twit

Your side of the bed
Perfect indentation
Heavy from your frame
From the dreams inside your head

Lying next to me
A different expectation
A thousand miles away
From me, on the other side

I can’t close my eyes
You can’t see my side

You’ll sleep, keeping the peace
And I’ll be right here, ready to fight
You fall, you fall
Farther away from me
You’ll sleep keeping the peace
And I will wait here, ready to fight
You wait it out from your side

You fall
You fall
You fall
Farther and farther
You fall
You fall
Farther away from me

Your side of the bed
Different expectations
A thousand miles away
From me, on the other side

Behind the FAWM Series #8 - "The Princess and the Fox"

2011-08-22T10:57:00.000-07:00

Around the time I was writing last February's album, my youngest daughter Amelie was having recurring nightmares about ... foxes.

"They chase me and bite my hands!" she would sob, pathetically, half asleep and terrified.

We began to pray with her before bed, that she would dream about lovely things.
Fairies! Rainbows! Princesses!
ANYTHING but foxes.

One night as I crept by her room, expecting to find her asleep, she was whisper-chanting to herself with her eyes tightly shut, "Princesses, princesses, PRINCESSES...NO foxes."
So sweet, so sad.

I posted something on Facebook about it, and as a result, got a song title suggestion out of it.

I wanted the result to be more than a cute kiddie song, but something that she could fall asleep to, and something that would dissolve her fears.

And to my surprise, it actually worked.

The night I played her the finished version was the first night in days she didn't have the nightmare.

She knows all the words and sings it so proudly.

For sweet Amelie:

The Princess and the Fox
Title suggested by Sarah Hamner

There was a princess fierce and brave
Big brown eyes and a pretty name
Hair that shimmered like a pot of gold

Every night when she closed her eyes
Her drowsy self got a big surprise
Sneaky little fox came scuttling into her dream

She said I am so fierce and brave
I am not scared of anything
So why must I be afraid
Of you, you, you, you, you

Was a fox wild and sly
Bushy tailed and shifty eyed
Fur as rusty red as the little pig’s house

Every night in his cozy den
The same ol’ nightmare will begin
A pretty princess chases him in his dream

He says I am so wild and sly
Tell me then, why can’t I hide
She pulls my tail and makes me cry
Oh why, why, why

She leaves her castle
He leaves his cozy den
They stop in the middle
And then…

Stare at each other they
Stare at each other they
Stare at each other they
Stare at each other
Till it gets really awkward and they both laugh and say
I am not afraid, anymore

Sometimes friendship can look odd
A picnic on the castle lawn
The princess and the fox sitting in the sun…

Behind the FAWM Series #7 - "Bisous de France"

2011-08-18T14:21:00.000-07:00

*Part 7 of a series on February Album Writing Month. For info on the project, click here!

One of the dangers of the internet, is being able to become an "expert" on nearly anything in a very short amount of time.

This is how I became fluent in French! And wrote a song in French! In one afternoon!

Well...

I at least plugged some words into a translation tool and got some words back, and sort of put them together hoping they made an ounce of sense.
Or an "once" as we say in French.
No. Not once, the English word, ONCE, the French word.
The one I just got off of the internet translator.

This wound up being one of the most enjoyable to write.
I constructed the general theme and English version, and then studied my options for the French version, choosing the words very carefully.

It felt more like I was creating a little nugget of art, rather than writing a song and I think there was some sort of subconscious correlation there with the rich history of French art and the fact that the song would be in French.

So, with the title as inspiration, I set out to sculpt a beautiful song out of these lovely words.

And the words really are lovely-so much lovelier than ours that it made it easy to write.

Who among you speaks French?
(Let them remain silent and not criticize one once of this possibly grammatically incorrect song)

Just kidding. Share your thoughts!

Bisous de France
Title suggested by Gilles Fournat

Danser
Vous dans votre veste
J'ai dans ma robe de fleurs
Danser
Tout par la nuit
Donnez-moi des bisous

Marcher
Au-dessous des arbres
Un couvert seulement pour nous
Marcher
Quand nous sommes fatigue
Donnez-moi des bisous

Donne-moi ton bise
Donne-moi ton bise
Donne-moi ton bise
Donnez-moi des bisous

Dance, Dance
You in your jacket and
I in my dress full of flowers
Dance, Dance
All through the night
Give me your kiss

Walk, Walk
Under the trees
A canopy only for us
Walk, Walk
When we are tired
Give me your kiss

Give me your kiss
Give me your kiss
Give me your kiss

Behind The FAWM Series #6 - "White and Blue"

2011-08-17T06:28:00.001-07:00

As I write this post, mid August, on the opposite side of the year as February Album Writing Month, it is hard to imagine that winter ever happened.

It has been a long, hot, humid southern summer (in my case), and the thought of snow seems miles and worlds and ages away.

But when I listen to this, I can remember the winter night it was written.

Snowed in and quiet, almost like time stood still.
Like the world packed it's bags and took a vacation to someplace warm, and left us here, together.

White and Blue

Title suggested by Martin Crumpton

Watching, waiting, time is frozen
As the snow begins to fall

Hold me, wrap me up
Surround me with your love
Inside this calm

And the world glows white and blue
In the warmth of me and you

Moonlit silence, on the outside
Everything is still and bright

Heart beats louder on the inside
Of my chest, your hand in mine

And the world glows white and blue
In the warmth of me and you

Hush now, hush now
Quietly the winds blow over
Us now, us now
Wordlessly this love takes over

Behind The Fawm Series #5 - "Ritual"

2011-08-17T05:28:00.001-07:00

I wrote this during this past FAWM (February 2011) which happened to also be the beginning of Lent.

At first, I was worried it might seem blasphemous to put a romantic relationship in religious terms, but the more I wrote this more it made sense and personally, these two aspects of life hold a lot of parallels.

During the past year, our family sought a new church home and found one, in a traditional Anglican church.

I had always imagined that a church such as this would be dead and disconnected spiritually.

In fact, the opposite was true, and the ancient practices and the liturgy of the service brought peace and calm like honey to my soul.

The season of Lent made me particularly spiritually aware, and as it was Lent when I first read the word "Ritual," it brought to mind images of spiritual practice and liturgy.

Years ago, the word would have had a negative connotation.
Instead, the ritual of our Sundays, the order of our church worship service, the sacraments, the ancient practices, ALL of these things leave me joyous and refreshed in a way I never would have imagined.

Enter, the romantic relationship.
Our love is not grown by a new emotional experience, or maintained through grand adventures.
Our love is grown by our history, and is maintained by the choice we make every year, every week, every morning and every hour to stand by each other.

Sure, we like to have grand adventures, but the places we find the most joy, have been in the Ritual.

Waking up beside each other, drinking our coffee, holding hands...

And just like our Sundays, these moments together (while from the outside might seem rote and monotonous) are the moments we are filled with peace and calm and inexplicable joy, and this is the perspective from which I chose to write this song.

What do you think of "Ritual?"
(Either the song, it's presence in your life?)

Ritual
Title suggested by Gary Luparello

I could drink you wine
Every time
You look at me
I could wake up each morning
And feel the glory
Of your breath on me

You, you are my ritual
Your love, your love is a liturgy

I would turn all your pages
Read you for ages
That’s what I’d do
I want all of the seconds
Of all of minutes
Of every hour with you

You, you are my ritual
Your love, your love is a mystery

Take me into your arms
Over and over
Over and over

You, you are my ritual
Your love, your love is a liturgy
You, you are my ritual
Your love, your love is a mystery

Behind The Fawm Series #4 - "Pity Not the Armadillo"

2011-08-16T11:54:00.000-07:00

Let it be known that I do not show favoritism with my friends when it comes to song title submissions.
That said, my friends know the sort of thing that I could never, ever resist.

Like a song about ARMADILLOS!

My fascination with these curious, armored little creatures, dates back over 20 years.
I think it actually may have begun with a postcard received from my best friend who was traveling through Texas.

Or, maybe she sent the postcard because of the obsession.
Now that I think about it, I don't quite remember.

Sometimes little children in Sunday school ask, "Who made God?" and the inevitable answer is, "God has always been."
So, I suppose, it is with my armadillo infatuation.

One afternoon, many years ago, my mom was driving a car full of tweens (myself included) to a birthday party.

We realized we had left the invitation at home (30 minutes away) containing all of the information, and so we hunted down the nearest payphone, threw in some quarters and crossed our fingers that our neighbor would be home and able to get the invitation from our house and relay the details of the party.

We all peeked out of the backseat as my mom looked as though she was stifling laughter and trying to get off the phone as quickly as possible.

Moments later, we were laughing too.
Our neighbor, had gotten inside and read off a small piece of paper he had found on our desk.

I wish I could have been the one listening, because I think it would have been really great to hear a grown man slowly read, "Armadillos ... are ... our ... friends?"

I was slightly mortified that he had read OUT loud, the silliness I had scrawled out (with a doodle of an armadillo no less) but even I had to admit it was funny and I will say I was at least as much amused as he was confused.

If he would have dug around further, he might have found the very first draft of an Armadillo single, circa 1993:

"There's a Texan armadillo on my pillow. On my pillow sits a Texan armadillo. He opens his eyes, and tells me lies. There's a Texan armadillo on my pillow."

Or, subsequently:

"Armadillos like to tango, armadillos like to dance, armadillos like to conga, armadillos like romance."

Now, I have no idea why an armadillo would be telling lies, or if one would even enjoy dancing of any nature, but the thought of this strange scaly critter doing such things pleased me immensely and every time I thought of one doing anything out of (armadillo) character I would burst out into fits of giggles.

This happened, mostly during class...with my best friend, of course.

Anyway, there you have it.
"Armadillo Appreciation 101" or at least, a short history of my love of them.

I wrote this to be fun, light, and comedic.
I find it surprising that it is one of THE most requested FAWM songs I have ever written, and I play it live a lot more than I ever intended.
(Zero, being the number of times I would have intended to play it live;)

Who likes this one?
Can anyone guess the other bizarre and more recent animal of my affections?

Pity Not the Armadillo

Title submitted by my friend, Ryan Miller

Pity not the armadillo
He gets around
Although he’s so slow
The people swerve ‘cause he’s in their lane
He’ll mosey on along the highway
He’ll get there soon enough

Pity not the armadillo
His calloused head
It needs no pillow
He’ll roll himself into a ball
He’ll close his eyes and then he’ll fall
Into a dusty Texas dream

Walk on, walk on, you armadillo
Walk on, walk down that road
Walk on, walk on, you armadillo

Pity not the armadillo
His brain is pea sized so he won’t know
That a rancher in a rover
Is about to run him over
He doesn’t think, he just goes

(CHORUS)

Pity not the armadillo
Let him be and let him burrow
May his armor be like steel
May the wind be at his heel
And may his anthills over flow

Behind The Fawm Series #3 - "Hearing Voices"

2011-08-15T16:16:00.000-07:00

Half the battle of anything always winds up being in your head.

This was the case even for me, as I started this Kickstarter Campaign.
The idea of a)talking on a video and b)selling my product and c)ASKING PEOPLE FOR MONEY on that video, induced several (not so small) panic attacks.

What if this art isn't good? What if it isn't art at all? What if people don't like it? What if the campaign FAILS??

As I am still about 25% from reaching my goal, these thoughts still haunt me.

How fortunate am I, that it's these thoughts and not others...maybe thoughts you have had or have still.

Condemning thoughts, silencing thoughts.

"No one wants to hear you... Your life means nothing... You aren't loved."

These are more than whispers or naggings.
They are evil and false and they will swallow you whole...if you let them.

I wrote this one during FAWM 2011:

Hearing Voices
Title suggested by Anne-Marie Strohman

There is a quiet in between the two suns
The darkness becomes
A desolate road

Whisper and worry, fear and regret
Form silhouettes
And travel alone

Don't listen
Don't listen
Don't listen

They move in secret and they glide on the edge
Climb on the ledge
Surrounding your door

One by one they come and take up their post
An army of ghosts
You’re losing the war

Don't listen
Don't listen
Don't listen

Their aim is steady and they watch and they wait
Stalking their prey
Calling for you

You say you’re only hearing voices again
But you let them in
And they swallow you whole

1st Day of School

2011-08-11T07:37:00.000-07:00

Last night, I had the good pleasure of opening for Derek Web b and Sandra McCracken at their "Living Room Concert" in Chattanooga.

It is amazing to be able to play with such remarkable musicians, but to be able to count them among my dearest friends is sweeter still.

Last night was a blast and after all was said (sung?) and done, it was well past 11pm before I got on the road and 1am when I was home and packing lunches for the girls' first day of school!

I was in bed at 2am and I was very much in mid-dream when the alarm went off at 6:30 this morning.

I was expecting to be a blubbery mess, since I was still slightly delirious, and I was dropping off not one, but TWO girls at school this morning!

Sera started 2nd grade and my littlest, my tiny baby that was just born ("Amelie Ashe, born in the Bath!" as we call her;) is somehow old enough for Kindergarten.

Everything went great, much better than expected, and none of us cried!

It felt natural this year, and the little school is lovely and warm and welcoming and Amelie already knew the ropes from watching Sera last year.

She also found out a friend is in her same class, and I felt much better walking out the door and seeing them sitting at the same table together.

Josh and I even got to grab coffee together this morning, which was the first date we had in almost a month. I think will be a nice "1st day of school" tradition.

Well, off to stick a chicken in the crock pot (ahem, not one of the pets) and then work on my new record while I have some morning moments alone.
Welcome, new season!

Forgive me for the poor quality of the photos, the setting on my camera was off, and I was in a rush to capture these sweet moments!

Walking.

Sisters!

Sera Sage was so excited to walk Amelie to class:)

Picking out her locker.

Little friends.

My sweet 2nd grader.

No tears this year! Success!

Behind the FAWM series #2 - "Mittens & Magnets"

2011-08-09T13:14:00.000-07:00

As soon as I saw it, I knew it was a winner.

"Mittens & Magnets," what a title!

This is a title from my first year of FAWM (2009) and it was the FIRST song I ever wrote as part of the February Album Writing Month challenge.

The concept of people loving each other and staying together was the first thing that came to mind, just reading that line.

Mittens come in a pair, magnets are drawn to each other, and this of course, made me think of my own sweet family.

I feel REALLY hesitant about writing songs for the people I love.
What is genuine and heartfelt one moment, is trite and cheesy the next and that slope is slipperier than you can imagine.

There aren't words strong enough to convey what my husband and my daughters mean to me, and I shy away from trying to express that for fear of producing something that would likely get played to hundreds of tearful ladies at a mother daughter tea.

What I loved about the title, "Mittens & Magnets," was how the quirkiness, the alliteration and the simplicity in the phrase set the mood for the entire song before it was even written.

As it took shape, it began to remind me of a children's song that could be enjoyed by adults.
And the beauty of a children's song, is that you can write about familial love without it sounding sappy as it might in a country song, or a Celine inspired ballad.

I wanted to write something simple, without flowery language - something sweet without being gushy, and something my little girls could understand and sing along to.

And DO they!
They run up on stage and sing along every chance they get.

So, to refresh your memory, the audio and the lyrics are below.

Do you hope Mittens & Magnets is on the new record?

What is your favorite, simple love song?

Mittens & Magnets

Title Submitted by (my sweet friend!) Katy Bowser

Never met a man I loved any better
Never knew a heart that was closer to mine
How we got together – it was nearly a disaster
But when we got together, everything was fine

We know there is nothing better
Than me for you and you for me
We will always stay together
Like mittens and magnets are we

Never saw a face I knew any better
Never heard a cry so sweet to ears
You’re lovely as the sunshine, brighter than starlight
And all our love is yours, so dry your tears

Behind the FAWM Series #1-Songwriting

2011-08-05T12:03:00.001-07:00

This is the first in a series of blogs I'll be posting about the songs I've written for February Album Writing Month.

The following posts will be about the individual songs written over the last 3 Februaries (10 of which will appear on my NEW album!) but today I thought I would share a little bit about how it felt to first sit down and write in a way I had never written before.

The idea of writing to a theme, to an existing title was a foreign one to me at the time, let alone writing to someone else's theme or title.

I was nervous that I would feel boxed in, limited in my creativity, and I also thought that if the title was already there, so was the song... right?

I was wrong...and right.

If you are not familiar with February Album Writing Month (FAWM), it is a challenge to write an entire album in the shortest month of the year, and there is website dedicated to this purpose which boasts thousands of users who attempt the challenge, and through community, critique and encourage one another along the way.

I took up the FAWM challenge, and I thought of asking my fans for song titles, because I thought it would build a closer community within that fan base, and help connect us outside of touring.

The VERY first time I sat down to write for FAWM, I was writing to the title, "Mittens and Magnets" (which will be the subject of my next post, since it was the first FAWM song written).
I sat down with all of my expectations about what the experience would bring, and I finished a song, meeting none of them.

Instead of feeling limited, I felt inspired. Instead of feeling boxed in, I felt set free.
Gone were the complications of waiting for inspiration, and then fitting my agenda into 3 minutes of song. The pressure of coming up with a brilliant idea, or the song no one has written was off.

As I would soon find out:
Songs don't show up solely by inspiration, songs show up by being written.
Inspiration doesn't write songs, you write songs.

However, the inspiration I was always waiting on DID come; it just came after I sat down and made myself begin.

Having a deadline was scary (14 songs in 28 days) and I did my very best to freak out about this as much as possible (my lovely husband can attest) but I would also learn that time wasn't my enemy, time was on my side, eliminating distraction and destroying every excuse I had to procrastinate.

The other thing I found interesting, was that the title, although sometimes obvious in it's meaning to me, was not obvious in it's meaning to the one who submitted it, therefore, the title itself was not the constraint I thought it would be.

I wrote earlier, "If the title was already there, so was the song."
This turned out to be true, but not in the way I had imagined it.

When I looked at the title, "Mittens and Magnets," a song did seem to form quickly, as if it was already waiting to be written - but not one literally about mittens and magnets.

The author of the title wasn't thinking of my children or my husband, not even of love and marriage when she submitted that title, but that's the song I saw, and what made sense to me.

The title was like a kaleidoscope, with a thousand little ideas bouncing off each other and waiting to be put together in focus.

This way of writing proved to be intensely challenging, but more intuitive than anything I had tried before.

So if you are the creating kind, I here is a bit of advice:

Throw out all your ideas about what it means to be a "artist," (read: I am so unique and my work is so mysterious! I can't do my work unless it's inspired!) roll up your sleeves and get down to business.

There are a million challenges you could give yourself (a song title, a specific deadline, themes, etc.) and contrary to what I used to believe, these are not obstacles but tools in your toolbox.
Use them to sharpen your skills.

I'll leave you with the vision of FAWM, a quote by Jack London:

"You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club."

-FP

Let's Make THIS Album Together!

2011-08-02T14:26:00.000-07:00

Every year, I write 14 songs in the month of February with titles YOU suggest.

I'm recording a NEW record - a collection of 10 of my favorite songs written over the last 3 Februaries.

I'm halfway through the recording process-we are almost there!

To help fund the rest of the album, I'm launching a Kickstarter campaign.
This is an all or nothing deal, either I raise all the money I need, or none of it, and there isn't an in-between.

This is terrifying, nerve racking and exciting all at once.
It's a risk, but because I'm passionate about these songs, I believe it's worth it.

Please head on over to Kickstarter, view my project, and spread the word!

Every year I start a blog post with, "Let's Make An Album Together."
We've done it 3 years in a row...now let's make THIS album together!

Thank you friends,
FPO

A Teaser...

2011-07-22T21:54:00.000-07:00

Remember when I would post more than 3 entries a year?? And update far away relatives with news and photos?? And read YOUR blog??

I've decided to blog again.
Multiple reasons, really, but for starters I think Facebook ruined blogging. It makes it entirely too easy to post and stalk and update 30 times a day without much substance and lately, I have been craving substance.

I feel like I am bursting with news and thoughts, stories, essays, updates, songs, things too large for status updates.

I need to get my feet wet before diving into full fledged blog commitment, so here are just a few happenings:

I am half-way through a full length record of songs written during the last 3 FAWMs.
I am hoping to play a few shows this fall to promote said record.
One of those shows will be opening for Derek Webb and Sandra McCracken on August 10th in Chattanooga - Chattanooga friends, please come!
Amelie starting Kindergarten means both of my girls will be in school in August.
I am officially a college student and this fall will be in school full time pursuing my English degree.
I have been refinishing furniture in my spare time. By "refinishing" I mean crying and kicking the thing I'm supposed to be painting, and by "spare time" I mean putting it back in the garage, and finishing 4 months later when I calm down.
I need to learn how to can by the time our 16 tomato plants FULL of tomatoes ripen.
I read all 7 Harry Potter books in less than 3 weeks. Life changing.
I am OBSESSED with Khan Academy - online math tutorials. (??) Watching math videos all summer helped me place into college algebra, which is slightly miraculous.
The south being hot, humid, and maintaining a steady heat index of 105, means that we have been limited to indoor activities--namely, blasting the air conditioner AND the oscillating fan while lying on the floor at the lowest possible level as to not overheat.
For the first time in our married life, Josh and I became members of of a church. We never thought of ourselves as "membership" types but Church of the Redeemer, which is a small, Anglican church here in Nashville has been like honey for our souls...the place we have been searching for for years, and we love, love, LOVE it.

I think that's all for the updates. I'll write more when it's not 12:30 in the morning.

*A note about the math: My husband spontaneously kissed me after we, together, correctly worked out a particularly difficult problem involving factoring trinomials, which obviously means two things: 1)Math is beneficial after all. 2)Yes, I did in fact marry a HUGE geek.

The Dark Side of Dying

2011-05-04T20:34:00.000-07:00

There is a trite grief.
It's tricky to recognize, and even trickier to write about without sounding like a judgmental jerk.
Nevertheless, it's there.

It comes through in blogs, in funeral slide shows, in Christian radio, and in the comforting words of grown ups who don't know what the heck else to tell a confused 10 year old whose dad just died.

It's every single quote about heaven (which by the way, has somehow become an ethereal place in the sky where our dead loved ones are currently enjoying their favorite pastimes - playing football, playing guitar, eating BBQ with Jesus, etc.) and no matter how it is manifested; it always leaves us with the same unsettling feeling.

There is a pious grief.
It is a little easier to recognize, but still just as tricky name.

It appears as the trusting family who doesn't question their faith, even for one second...even when they lose a child... or all of their children... or the worst thing you have ever seen on Extreme Home Makeover... times a billion.

No.
They are unmoved in their joy. And they talk about it. Often.
This also leaves us feeling unsettled.

A year ago I would not have written this post, but a year ago I started seeing a therapist for my irrational fear of spiders (and carjackers and tornadoes and...) - LUCKY ME I found out all that was of course, childhood related and not at all really about the spiders.

She asked about my childhood, and as usual I shrugged it off "Well, yeah, my sister died, but I don't really remember her because I was only 3, and oh yeah, my dad died, but that was a really long time ago, and oh yes, I lost a baby at 14 weeks, but that's not why I called...what I'm terrified of is brown recluse spiders. I mean, they're the WORST!"
*Shocked therapist face*

From the moment it happened I was changed.
Forever irrevocably changed.
Whatever I was, or was going to be, or might be, would be lost the minute I watched him die.

On May 4th, 1991, I'd put down my video game and walk out of the hospital room a completely different child than I was on May 3rd, 1991.

We passed laughing doctors, down the elevator, through the doors and into the bright spring sun and a tension that was heavier than my broken heart.

What do I do with this heavy heart?

Then flowers and cards and bible verses.

What do I do with this heavy heart?

Then sweet church ladies, and words about heaven.

What do I do with this heavy heart?

Then a school principal, who tells you weeks later that the time to be sad is over.
After all, his dad just died and he's just fine.
So buck up 10-year-old kid, stop crying and do your math.

But what do I...

And there was my answer.

So I made up my mind in that moment, not to talk about it, not to think about ... him ... whom I had loved so dearly, not to cry, and not to feel.

This went on well into adulthood.
Until I thought I was losing my mind over spiders.
Because you see, it will always catch up with you...somehow, someday.

There is so much more I could talk about and write about, but writing even this much has been a huge step for me in overcoming my obsessive compulsion to control and hide my sadness.

Fellow humans, all of whom must die eventually, and particularly my fellow Christians who believe in a hereafter:
Let's not make light of dying.
Let's not shame our sadness or hide our pain.
Let's not try to all be heroes of the faith.

There is a real grief.
It is dark and it is heavy.

It is cancer and it is a tornado and it is a flood.
It is a 10-year-old girl who breaks and takes 20 years to recover.

It is sin and a cross and Jesus crying out to God in a garden.
It is a broken world and it is not supposed to be this way.

It is death...and I believe one day it will be undone.

But for now, we all live in the tension of walking between grief and the bright spring sun.

And when your heart feels heavy, it is okay to let it break.

Food Justice

2011-03-12T05:17:00.001-08:00

I posted this as a Facebook note a few days ago, and a friend asked me to blog it as well.

Friends,

This is something that has burdened me for quite some time, but really been pressing lately.

I know food is a touchy subject.

We all have opinions on how much food justice matters, how to talk about it and what to do.

I have had several discussions over the years with sweet friends about how to live according to your own convictions and thoughts about feeding your family, without offending someone else, or appearing pious.

Food is so social.

I may never choose to buy certain products or bring certain things into my home, but I wouldn't dream of hurting someone or creating a barrier by refusing certain food that they prepared and served.

I try not to talk about it too much, because I don't want to create guilt or worry where it doesn't need to be.

People have enough to worry about these days as it is.

But finally...things have gotten bad.

Currently, a chemical company called Monsanto is basically in control of the majority of food in America.

Simply put, it started out as a chemical company, and is now into bio-chem/agribusiness and it is the major developer and seller of seeds in America to the farmers that farm our corn, wheat, soy, etc. (These crops give us canola oil, soybean oil, the majority of the wheat that makes up the majority of our boxed goods, etc.)

Monsanto created seeds that are resistant to Round Up.

This way, farmers can spray their entire fields with Round Up and the weeds will die, leaving the crops alone.

Monsanto has created genetically modified seeds.

Genetically modified seeds are not simply "hybrid" seeds.

They have been genetically modified in such a way that the very dna of the food is altered.

One example, is to introduce FISH dna (to make the plants like tomatoes more resilient to cold) and to use the E. Coli virus as a carrier, because it is invasive enough to penetrate the plant cells.

No long term testing has been done to see whether or not these things are safe to eat.

I know we should not live in fear or become to reactionary, but I would be slow to trust a company whose track record includes agent orange. Or Aspartame. Or rBst.

Monsanto tells us it's safe..but at the same time it spends a great deal of money and time making sure (through politics, of course) that its products aren't tested, and that they AREN'T LABELED as genetically modified.

If you have ever seen a food label that says *From cows not treated with rBST, you will also see a disclaimer that says there is no difference found between cows treated with rBST and cows not treated with rBST.

Farmers, big or small, are NOT allowed to simply tell us, the consumer what is or is not in the milk without that specific disclaimer or they risk being sued by Monsanto.

Monsanto sued the state of Maine over their support of rBST free milk and farming.

Monsanto, cleverly claims its own form of " "truth in labeling" and that labeling milk as rBST free, deceives the public into thinking rBST is unsafe. (Never mind, that WE the consumer, WANT it labeled)

The land that is used to grow Monsanto seeds is so vast, that the small farmers nearby are now having problems keeping their own fields free of Monsanto seed due to cross pollination.

On top of the problem of organic seed becoming tainted, Monsanto will aggressively sue the farmer who is found to have Monsanto-patented seed growing on their property.

Nothing else that self-propagates like this has been allowed to be patented before.

Farmers who are unfortunate enough to have Monsanto plants accidentally growing amidst their crops are aggressively sought after and sued.

Monsanto seeds are designed to not grow again, so the farmers who use Monsanto seeds have to buy new seeds ALL over again the next year instead of the old practice of "saving seeds."

Monsanto has a lot of political power, and a lot of money.

It is an unethical evil, controlling our food, and while I know a lot of folks who say we are lucky to live in a country where we are fortunate enough to choose what kind of food we eat, I would argue whether or not that is actually true.

I can scrimp and save to purchase organic (as long as organic is still available and not tainted by Monsanto) but what about my poor neighbors? What about people relying on food from the food bank?

The provision of lots of cheap "food" may appear to be a fix for the problem of hunger, but what about the long term health effects? I feel it is a total exploitation of the poor.

On the other hand, it is also a response to consumer demand, and we as consumers are VERY demanding.

We want cheap food that is easy to prepare, and this is how that need is being met.

I read a study a few months ago about how "impossible" it would be to sustain the world on organically grown food. Well, it probably would be if we were trying to turn that food into billions of bags of fritos, but that is part of what needs to change.

I don't know. It seems too big for me. It seems too overwhelming.

I talked to Mr. Wendell Berry (activist, author) about this very thing during our visit on Sunday, and he was *very* encouraging reminding me not to worry about the future so much that you can't enjoy today.

(And this is from someone who is VERY active and mindful and trying to preserve our food and our rivers)

And I agree it is futile to worry.

But still there is a longing for justice.

For EVERY single person to have access to REAL food that has grown out of the dirt.

For justice for small farmers trying hard not to give in to the Monsanto super power.

For the hope that my girls will grow up to still be able to find food that has not been genetically modified.

I know it sounds like a pointless battle to fight. Monsanto is HUGE.

For me, the point isn't whether I/we win this fight or not.

But I believe it is my duty to defend the needy and the oppressed.

The farmer who had to shut down his life's work.

The poor who can't afford REAL food.

The people who have no idea what GMO even means.

If we can take a VERY small step, and demand genetically modified food labeled as such, we can at least start becoming more aware of where our food comes from, and get the dialog started.

This is what the Rally for the Right to Know is all about.

I'll be attending one locally, in Nashville on March 26th.

This will coincide with the Rally/protest in Washington D.C.

I encourage everyone to look at Rally for the Right to Know FB page and find your state in the discussions tab and get involved.

Rallies in every state on the same day could really make a difference.

It will be awesome! The link is below and the states are listed in the discussions tab.

-F

http://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=172658986114548&id=172563472790766&ref=notif&notif_t=feed_comment#!/rallyfortherighttoknow2011

Snow Week. AKA Superdad.

2011-01-20T07:48:00.000-08:00

It snowed last week.
If you live anywhere near Tennessee, Georgia, etc. you know exactly what I mean.
It snowed last week.

The kind of snow...or "ice" rather, that closes down school for an entire week and shuts down airports. Particularly, the airport I was scheduled to fly back into.

My brother and I flew out of Atlanta "for the weekend" to attend my grandfather's 90th birthday (an event I will never forget, and would travel for all over again if I had to) in the Los Angeles area. The "weekend" turned into an 8 day trip.

Because this is a post is about my awesome husband, who was stuck here in Nashville during my unexpected absence, I will spare you the details about the 6 hours spent on the phone with United Airlines, car rental fiascoes, or all the ways that California was warm and sunny and amazing while the south was buried in snow. Whoops. Well, it was.

Even though I knew Josh was totally capable, I left lots of instructions about meal ideas, what the girls had to bring to school and little notes for them to open every day.
Well. Every day up until Tuesday, when I would have been getting home.

Then it snowed. Closing school on Monday..Tuesday..Wednesday..Thursday..AND Friday...the day I FINALLY wound up back in Nashville.

I would have expected anyone stuck in the house for a week with small children to feel a little on edge...to get a little grumpy...to freak out, like I would.
I know my husband though. And I know I didn't have to worry. A bit.

As hard as it was feeling like I couldn't get to my family if I had to, I never felt overwhelmed or worried or afraid. Leaving the girls with Josh for a week was not stressful for a moment, because he is not their babysitter (like some fathers are often viewed) he is their father.
Them being home with him felt just like them being home with an extension of myself.

Because we do everything as a team, from chores to child raising, it's not strange at all that he would be capable of completely taking over.

I know in more traditional households, the gender roles are a lot more defined than they are in ours. Josh has said many times, that if I were the one bringing in the bulk of the income, he would actually really love to be a stay at home dad.

When Amelie was a baby, Josh was the one who got up with her every *single* night.
Josh does the dishes, every night (and we do not have a dishwasher) and at least half of the laundry. He works multiple jobs, but still makes time to help put the girls to bed every night, set the dinner table with them, read to them, play with them, and pray with them when they have nightmares.

He was my main birth support when I was in labor, took 3 months of childbirth classes before Amelie was born and I am totally confident that he could have delivered our children (calmly, I might add) if the midwife hadn't made it to our house on time.

He supports my career, encouraging me to take every opportunity to play music, even when that means traveling, leaving the girls on occasion, or locking myself in the den to practice and write.

We don't make any decision that both of us are not 100% on board with.
From picking out furniture, to planning every detail of our wedding, everything has always been done together.

When this post first started coming together in my head, I was trying to think of a way to explain how everything we do is 50/50. But actually, it's more like 100/100...both of us are in this thing completely and fully.

I can't imagine being married to anyone else.
He is still the smartest, funniest, most calm and logical person I know, and like my best friend said in her speech to us nearly 10 years ago on our wedding day, it's a good thing God gave me what I needed, instead of what wanted, because Josh is more perfect for me than anyone I could ever have dreamed up.

Fall Fashion Week - Friday

2010-10-29T21:30:00.001-07:00

This was way cuter than anything I wore today:

Fall Fashion Week - Thursday

2010-10-28T07:53:00.000-07:00

Tank: Old Navy
Scarf: Old Navy
Skirt: Forever 21
BCBG Boots: Macys
"Pearls": Walmart

The boots were the most expensive shoes I've ever bought and I still feel guilty wearing them... even though they were bought on a gift card....for my birthday...
What can I say, I'm a bargain hunter.

OH and an old lady stopped me once in Target to tell me my skirt was "lovely."
Sweetest compliment of my life! Precious lady.

Fall Fashion Week - Wednesday

2010-10-27T06:06:00.000-07:00

I babysit a precious little boy on Wednesdays, plus take care of my youngest daughter at home and I don't leave the house AT all on those days.
This skirt is usually my "uniform"...feels like jammies!

Rosebud thermal - Can't remember, Ross maybe?
Turquoise Tank - Target
Skirt - Ross
Gold Leaf Earings - My sweet friend Alison
Toenails;) - Mango Petites Polish

Fall Fashion Week - Tuesday

2010-10-26T14:05:00.001-07:00

Today was.... well, WINDY in the south to put it mildly.
This outfit weathered various tornado watches and warnings and a shift in the temperature from 80 degrees down to 60.

Started off with the skirt and tank under my rain coat and eventually moved on to the warm fuzzy (and my new FAVORITE) cardigan.

Again, I don't know how I managed to pull this off, but seriously, everything is from Old Navy except for the boots/accessories. What??

Trench: Old Navy
Belt: Thrifted
Green Ribbed Tank: Old Navy
Skirt: Old Navy
Cardigan: Old Navy
Boots: Costco

Except for the cardi (my fall splurge this year!) everything is a few years old and I love how they are classic enough to last.

I think my style would be "classic/girly" and whenever I buy anything super trendy, I usually regret it pretty quickly. So, hurray for the classics!

Fall Fashion Week - Monday

2010-10-25T16:58:00.000-07:00

OK...So, EVERY single year my friend Emery starts the fall fashion blog, and EVERY year I want to take part ...and then completely forget...EVERY time.

I just saw Erin 's post reminding me that fashion week had begun, changed back out of my jammies into what I had worn all day and took some pictures.

Boy am I glad I wasn't wearing yoga pants all day.
Because honestly, that happens sometimes.

The best part about this was realizing that every SINGLE piece came from Target and everything but the shoes were off the 75% rack...AND... everything is Mossimo. Hahahaha.

I'm posting the prices to showcase my bargain hunting skills.

Shirt: Target Clearance Rack: $4.48
Tank: Target Clearance Rack: $2.48
Skinny Jeans: Target Clearance Rack: $7ish
Heels: Target
Cutest Accessory Ever: Amelie Ashe! ;)

The moral of the story is:
If you see something you like at Target, wait a month because you might be able to get it for $4.

Music Mama Part Four - Perfect Timing

2010-09-10T07:42:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in a coffee shop, kid free, working on music during "working hours" for the first time in my adult life. . . well, technically, I'm blogging and not working on music ...yet.

But I have a lot on my mind, and as usual, I won't be able to concentrate on anything else until I sort out these thoughts.
So bear with me, as I sort.

I don't have a lot to say that hasn't already been said in posts One, Two and Three.
And maybe that is the point of this post.

I expected to be a little embarrassed reading through the previous posts.

I expected to laugh at how my plans have changed and write about how I've realized that it's hard to do music.

I expected to feel discouraged, because, well...Nashville has a way of making you feel like an idiot.

But here I am, newly 30. Mother of two.
And instead of feeling like it's too late, too hard, or too unrealistic, I feel like ...it's time.
Perfect time.

The dream, the goal and the excitement is every bit the same.... even if there is a new line or two on my face.

Being older brings challenge, but more importantly, it tempers my dreams with wisdom.
"In my youth" I was less predictable, more easily persuaded, feeling most of the time like I was on the verge of exploding with this directionless passion.

Having kids brings complications, but it also brings clarity.
Every touch, word or glance exchanged is a reminder and a confirmation that there is nothing more important in this world.

They bring the balance that allows me to step back from everything else and see it for what it is.
I can't hang my heart on music now that it's held in the 2 little people God created for me to love.

And last, I'm too old for self consciousness.
I often wish I could re-do high school with the confidence I have now.
And maybe that's why Nashville doesn't make me feel like an idiot.

You can tell me it's too late, you can tell me it's too hard, you can tell me it's too unrealistic.
And you know what?
The difference between being 18 and being 30 is this... I know.
But I also know I'll do it anyway. Whatever that looks like, I'll do it, because it's what God created me to do.

I'm excited like never before.
Every year spent on music has seen progress.
It may have been a little slow going, but it was progress nevertheless.
I was pregnant with my first baby when I recorded my first album.
I held the CD release show when I was pregnant with my second baby.

I released a second album 3 years later and managed to plan and execute a cross country tour without a booking agent or a manager or anyone telling me what to do.
I made a ton of mistakes.
I lost some money and made some money.
But still, at the end of it, I drove across the country with my kids and a babysitter and played shows and met people and got paid to do something I would be doing in my living room regardless.

Recently, we were explaining to our daughter the differences between animal breeds and how they were designed to do different things.
A woodpecker's beak is long and pointy for drilling through the bark of a tree.
Beagle dogs like to be in packs and their noses are quick and strong and good for sniffing out critters.

You can keep a single Beagle in your backyard, and it will be happy enough... but it's whole life will be spent running after it's nose the second the gate is opened because it was made for the hunt.

There have been times lately where I've thought about developing other things I'm good at and exploring other careers-and often I do those things when I feel like giving up on music.
But I've realized that not cultivating my best skill is kind of like fencing in a Beagle.

I know this post is terribly self-centered.
But here at 30, a mother of two, I've finally learned this lesson...and it goes for everyone:

No matter how old, how hard, how unrealistic - if you were created to do something, as impossible as it seems, you better be doing it.

Tired.

2010-07-31T19:12:00.000-07:00

I've wanted to blog again, but lately I've just felt so busy....
We haven't even gone anywhere all summer, but the last year was a really, really intense year for me and I think it's finally all catching up.

It's no secret that I love to do research.
If there is a thing that is slightly interesting to me, I am reading every book I can find, spending hours on the internet, and generally, obsessing.

When Sera was first diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder...and MASSIVE food allergies...in the same day, I was overwhelmed, but nonetheless the "researcher" took over and I just sunk myself into all of the details of what we were facing and how we could fix it.

I think Sera caught some of the same momentum, at least with regards to food.
I was cooking up a storm with new recipes and things she could eat, and she was happy to taste test and hardly complained when she wasn't allowed to have birthday cake at a party or a cracker sample at Costco.

Then slowly, things began to unravel.
I'm tired, physically.
I'm tired of trying to figure out how to make transitions better for her, remembering what tools to use when her "motor is too high" (as we refer to it in OT) or trying to create yet another different and appetizing meal out of rice.

On top of it, I learned that I need to keep her diet rotating, not feeding her the same thing two days in a row lest she become allergic to *those* foods.

Our grocery budget has nearly doubled.
Sera's appetite has nearly doubled.
Josh is taking on additional work to help offset that for awhile which means more hours by myself at home with the girls, trying to keep this thing going.
The "thing" feels like a giant wheel and if I slow down for a second we'll all fly off and land in a pile of rice.
Or rice milk.
Or goat cheese.
Or some other expensive thing that I probably forgot to get enough of at Whole Foods.

Everyone lately has been praising me and supporting me in my food efforts (THANK YOU!), but I don't feel like it's anything any other mother wouldn't do.
I mostly feel like, really, what else am I supposed to do?
I have to cook for her, and she has to eat a certain way.
This is her life. This is our life.
If this is our "cross" I feel like we got off pretty easy.

Still, I'm tired.
I want to stop getting frustrated at her for saying "I'm hungry!" 20 times a day because I'm thinking about the fact that we are about to blow through 3 days of snacks in one afternoon.
I want to know that if things are super stressful and on the rare occasion I might not have time to pack a lunch for school, she will be able to eat what they are serving.

I don't want another cookbook, I don't want more advice or ideas and I surely don't want my sweet girl to have crippling stomach aches because she drank some milk.
I JUST WANT A NAP.

Whew.
If you've read this far, thanks;)
I'm going to do some yoga.
And then maybe eat some chocolate chips.

ps. I just learned how to make Sushi...And it was FUN!!!.. And Sera approved... Aaaand now I am "that mom" who packs Sushi for her 6 year old;) Sheesh.

The Lost Tooth

2010-07-26T08:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday in the middle of a family picnic, my daughter lost her first tooth.

In the midst of a full season of a thousand little things, and the flurry of the fall and school looming ahead, I was hungry for a concrete memory and we set out to make one.

It would be a midsummer day "when the kids were small" and we lay down on the grass, satiating our bellies with good food and our souls with the wonder that our love begot love.

In the middle of passing the potato salad and the chocolate cake, she held out her hand.

There it was.

A tiny thing.

A tiny thing that reminded me of when she was a tiny thing.

She dropped it into my palm like a lens that brought the past into focus.

I could feel the roughness of the top emerging through baby gums and remember the source of tears and sleepless nights which had compelled my arms to hold her close, and my lips to kiss her feverish forehead.

Waiting. Waiting.

Waiting on such a small thing, and with a bit of pain it finally comes.

Then waiting and waiting again, and with a bit of pain, it departs.

A small bit of wisdom given to me by my mother-in-law so long ago was made tangible: "The minute they're born, they are moving away from you."

Toward independence, toward heartache, and toward the things we pray the future holds for them.

But whatever happens, we know that just like a baby tooth, they can't stay forever.

I looked up into the present to see a toothless grin, the exact inverted smile of her baby days when the only tooth in her mouth was the one now in my hand.

I drew a breath and wished hard that I could tell my past self to savor the moments spent even in tears, but before I could exhale she was gone - swinging on the swings.

Higher and higher ... up and away.

Lilith Fair

2010-05-29T08:06:00.001-07:00

I've posted about this everywhere else on the internet so I may as well do so on the ol' blog!

Back in February, I entered a contest to be the featured local act at this year's Lilith Fair in Nashville. I hadn't thought much about it, since I was busy with FAWM and the voting process wouldn't even start until May.

May came, and so did the BIGGEST flood in Nashville's recent history, and Lilith Fair was the last thing on my mind...until last night. Something on Twitter caught my eye, "Top 20 Finalists Announced!"

Oh man. I hadn't even asked for people to vote, I had forgotten all about it. I clicked the link to see where my name would fall, assuming it would be near the bottom of the 172 other Nashville contestants.

I didn't even get past the 2nd page. There I was. #14.Â I FLIPPED out. I actually felt hot and shaky.Â Lilith Fair isn't just another music festival to me.Â From the moment of it's birth in the late 90's I've dreamed of playing it.

Sarah McLachlan isn't just another artist to me either.Â Through Lilith, she proved that more than one female artist could play the same bill with HUGE success. She rekindled my love of the piano and inspired me to write my own music. She was one of the greatest influences over my early music career.

I know the voting process is tedious, but I have some of the BEST fans in the whole world and I have total faith in your support. You have been loyal album after album, project after project.

Currently I am in the semi-finals!

May 29 - May 30: Semi Finals: The top performer is chosen by fans during this time.

May 31: Contest ends and winner is chosen by OurStage and Lilith, with strong consideration of fan votes.

This is huge for me. PLEASE help me get on the Lilith Fair stage!

Step by step instructions follow:

To Vote on FaceBook:

Use This Link: Vote for Lilith Local Talent Search Nashville!

You'll see four songs, listen to both drag them in the order your like them and click vote.

Keep doing it until you get a chance to vote for me.

Keep voting if you want!

Tell your friends, cross your fingers for me and come to Lilith Fair in Nashville!

To Vote Not on FaceBook:

Use This Link: Vote for Lilith Local Talent Search Nashville!

You'll see two songs, listen to both and vote.

Keep doing it until you get a chance to vote for me.

Keep voting if you want!

Tell your friends, cross your fingers for me and come to Lilith Fair in Nashville!

Sensory Processing Disorder. A Long, Long Tale.

2010-04-23T17:31:00.000-07:00

It’s Friday afternoon.
I can hear Sera’s chatty voice and the laughter of other children bubbling in the background.
I’m making small talk with a few other moms, and Sera is crashing into a ball pit, bouncing around a room fully of primary colors and is about to sit down and gobble up some fast food.

I'm not at a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese, or a play date at a bounce house.
I’m sitting in the office of a Pediatric Occupational Therapist.

A very sweet little boy with down syndrome nearly mows me over in an attempt to say hello, and to be honest, I’m a little uncomfortable.
Not because of his disability, but because I keep having the same reoccurring thought. “What am I doing here??”
Or maybe...”How” did I get here?

My daughter does not have Down Syndrome, my daughter is not Autistic, my daughter does not have Asperger's....
But clearly, there is a reason I’m hanging out in a waiting room while Sera jumps on a trampoline next door and inhales a bowl of fried rice.

We’ve been on this journey a few weeks now, but it probably seems sudden, out of the blue, a surprise to all our friends and family who are just hearing about it.
For us... It's always been this way, she's always been this way...she's always been our sweet Sera, and just like we did from the moment she was born, we are just sitting back with anticipation at who she will become.

I’ll just start from the beginning.
The very beginning:

Sera screamed from the first middle of the night feeding in the hospital until she was about 4 months old.
If she was not rocked, swaddled or nursing, she was screaming.
Even if she wasn't technically, "nursing", she used me like a human pacifier. Constantly.
If you think I’m exaggerating, you can ask Josh, my mother in law, my own mom, my best friend, anyone who knew her as an infant.

We were told she had a milk/casein allergy, but would most likely, "Grow out of it."

By about 5 months she was too big to swaddle, and less of a screamer, but she still required a lot of soothing from one of us to help her fall asleep.
She also started crawling.
Yes crawling.
At 5 months.

At 9 months she was walking completely on her own...
And really, when I say “walking” I mean, walking to any thing – table, chairs, precariously placed bookshelf, and then climbing.

When she was about 2 or 3, I started bringing her to my concerts.
We joked that she hated my music. She covered her ears and furrowed her brow.
This continued at church, during worship, when an airplane flew overhead, when a toilet flushed, etc.

When she turned 4, she began to verbalize her intense dislike for about, oh, 80% of her wardrobe.
Too itchy, too bumpy, too squiggly, too tight.

As she neared 5, she tested into our local school system’s “Gifted and Talented” program.
Not trying to be an annoying bragging mama (I promise, this all relates to the issues at hand) but she scored high superior on many of the tests and at the very least, above average on all the rest. (IQ, etc.)

She has always been over - tactile and sensory seeking...touching every object she sees, pawing at me as she cuddles, chewing her hair, etc.

There are a lot of things I have attributed to her insane, intense, infancy.
First of all, I didn’t even know she was that "different" because Josh and I were pioneers of parenthood among our peers and I had never spent that much time around a newborn before. How was I to know what was “normal”..?

I will never forget the moment I laid Amelie down on my bed (as a 1 month old) while I tried to clean my closet and turned around to see her asleep a few minutes later.
My heart stopped.
I checked for breathing.
Was she dead??
Uh, no...
Apparently, babies, sometimes can just spontaneously and ON THEIR OWN, fall asleep.

I know we're not supposed to compare our children, but had it not been for Amelie, I might never have started thinking about all the issues Sera suffered through.

Let's skip ahead.
A few weeks ago, a link posted to my dear friend Sally's Facebook page caught my eye.
The link was for a company called Soft Clothing.
My friend's precious little boy was dealing with something called Sensory Processing Disorder...something I had never heard of.
What I HAD heard (for the last 5+ years) was the incessant crying/fighting/fussing over getting dressed, and this specialized clothing seemed like a miracle from heaven.

Thankfully, I was able to recognize that my reaction to seeing that website was probably not typical of most parents...even parents who have kids with the occasional itchy feeling, or the kid who likes the tags to be cut out of their shirts.
Oh no.
No no no.
This was much different.
I was ready to max out the Amex on this soft, fleece like seam free, tag free goodness if it meant that my lovely daughter would wear something other than the same purple skirt, tee shirt, and socks...inside out... and rolled down past her ankles.
I could have cried.

I read some information about SPD.
I read a little book (a little...overwhelming that is) called The Out of Sync Child.
I called Sally and we talked for 2 hours.
We talked about Henry, about Sera, about how remarkable and insane, actually, it was that both our children seemed to be dealing with this.
She paved the way with information.

I talked to my therapist.
I talked to Sera's pediatrician.
He referred us to an OT (occupational therapist) and she called me 3 days later.

I talked to Jenny (the OT) for about 30 minutes on the phone.
I described every little thing about Sera in detail:
Her infancy, her eating style (um, ALL fingers, no fork), the way she trips over nothing on the sidewalk and then gets up, and looks behind her in bewilderment (seriously so precious/sad), the hands over her ears, the socks rolled down, the way she still can't seem to hear me sometimes even when I look her in the eyes and say her name 5 times.
By the end of the phone call, Jenny was certain she wanted us to come in for an evaluation.

*Time Out*
I just want to say I was a tad apprehensive about having Sera diagnosed.
Maybe not so much apprehensive, but curious as to why it mattered.
Why did it matter if she had "SPD" or not? To us, all of these "issues" were just part of her make up, part of her endearing quirkiness, the Sera we had gotten to know over the last 6 years. I didn't want to be a mom who pushed some sort of label on my daughter.
At the same time, I didn't want to be a mom who stuck her head in the sand in denial.
Jenny was SO reassuring.
She told me that so many kids like Sera get overlooked.
Because Sera is so bright, so resourceful, such a good problem solver, she has been able to cope with so many of her sensory issues.
We might not have even realized this was going on..... until she went to school, and suddenly developed learning problems.

Very long story..made just..well...long:
Every suspicion I had that Sera may be dealing with SPD was confirmed at her evaluation.
We would start occupational therapy right away.
Our insurance covered all of it.
Most importantly, my funny, silly, sweet girl would not have to live her life in frustration..a frustration I almost didn't even know was happening.

What is SPD?
(From Wikepedia)

Sensory processing disorder or SPD is a neurological disorder causing difficulties with processing information from the five senses (vision, auditory, touch, olfaction, and taste), the sense of movement (vestibular system), and/or the positional sense (proprioception). For those with SPD, sensory information is sensed, but perceived abnormally. Unlike blindness or deafness, sensory information is received by people with SPD; the difference is that information is processed by the brain in an unusual way that may cause distress or confusion.

It is "on the spectrum" (along with Autism, Asperger's, etc.) but clearly, Sera is not Autistic and is socially, happy, outgoing, and makes friends easily.

After she was observed and after Josh and I filled out a HUGE packet of questions, we found out that according to the standardized tests, Sera fell into a small 2% of the population that deals with these issues, at this severity level.
The OT told us that Sera's handwriting was very poor compared to her cognitive level.
She had a hard time focusing on Jenny's words if anything was happening in the background.

Imagine walking through a hallway of chattering children, only to your ears, it sounds like a train rolling by.
Imagine going outside on a sunny day, feeling like you were staring at the sun.
Imagine all of your clothes feeling like burlap.
This is the world Sera knows.

Like I said, she's a smart kid. She's learned to cope amazingly well and to adapt to the way she was made. But who knows how this may develop as she gets older.

There is a link between "giftedness" and SPD.
There is a link between food allergies and SPD.
In fact, it was on the way to Sera's initial evaluation that I got the phone call from the pediatrician with the list of things we would have to cut out of her diet.
Wheat.
Dairy.
Soy.
Oh, no big deal. JUST THE MAIN THREE THINGS that are in everything.
I cried.

Nevertheless...every bit of this fit together like a puzzle...a giant sweet, quirky puzzle named Sera Sage:)

I'm excited that we caught it now.
Sera got into a wonderful magnet school and will start 1st grade in the fall.
That, in itself, is a complete and utter miracle, and I'm sure part of God's providence knowing I am not equipped to be a special ed teacher.

Sera's appointments involve jumping, crashing into things, feeling things, eating things, all as a part of a "sensory diet" to help the neurological function stabilize a bit.
The reason she is "out of sync", the reason her handwriting is poor, is that it is like her brain, and her body are operating on separate telephone lines, and our goal is to get them working together, as much as possible.

As we discuss this with friends, the question is always, "How do you feel about all this!?"
It's strange.
Although it's been a bit overwhelming at times, and although it would have been nice to know the reason for her intense infant behaviors in some ways, I'm glad we didn't know then.
I'm glad we are finding out now, at the right time, before she starts school.
I'm glad I've had 6 years to not only "get used to" but completely, utterly, fall in love with this precocious little soul without attributing any of her "Sera-isms" to a disorder.
Had I been handed a tiny baby with a label on her toe that read, "SPD - part of the Autism Spectrum, here is what you do now." I'm pretty sure I would have FREAKED.

Instead, I look outside, at my sweet (albeit, a bit nerdy, but in a good way) little braniac standing in her rolled down socks, staring through binoculars at all of the types of backyard birds she is able to identify, and I am blown away.

She was tested as gifted.
Maybe....
But clearly, we were the ones who were "gifted" the moment that screaming little thing was placed in our arms.

I took this, because it captures Sera's whimsy, and her "quirky" so well, and so fitting that it was right after we got home from her initial evaluation. Clothing under the fancy dress, to make it less itchy, socks rolled down, the pants she wears under everything.
Classic Sera Sage:)

Heaven

2010-04-22T21:19:00.000-07:00

"I can't find your face in this crowd. So I'm leaving their law for your love."

So sorry for the shameless self quoting.
It's so strange how a creative work will often speak, or minister to the author--but it just confirms my belief that it wasn't all me who wrote those words 3 years ago.
Those words resonate with me, as I sort of, process a dream I had a few weeks ago.

I don't dream like this often.
My dreams are usually the 5 things I did that day, all mixed together, or that I'm giving birth to a cat, or getting a bar-tending job and carpooling with my good friend's husband.

This was different.
This was the kind of dream you remember for years, and that you might, hypothetically share with, oh, say, your therapist. *ahem*

Anyhoo, in the dream, me and 2 of my friends got into a car accident... and died.
(Cari and Brittany - don't worry, none of my dreams have proved prophetic....yet. Heh heh.)

It was so clear.
Where we were driving (Scott towards Eastland) where I was sitting (backseat, Cari was driving, Brittany was riding shotgun) what time of day (Mid-day, bright sun) and then what happened next.

There wasn't a collision, or a scream, or any sound at all.
One moment we chattered on, driving along, and then suddenly, we drove straight off the road directly into the sun.

It took a moment to even realize we were in heaven, or even dead at all.
What surprised me most, what felt stronger than the impact of any car crash, was the realization that I was about to see Jesus.

I can still feel it.
My breath was gone, my skin was on fire, tingling from my head to my toes, and I was so happy, so very happy I could cry.
The kind of cry that lets go of fear and sorrow and every deep and painful thing.

But then...there were crowds of people.
Elevators. . . ?
It was so strange.
All I wanted was to find Jesus.
Where was Jesus?
Hordes of people , strangely excited--I had been eager to see Jesus, desperate to see Jesus, but they were excited like someone might be to win the lottery, or to go to a carnival.
The laughing, the hysteria, all felt inappropriate.

Suddenly we were ushered into a room by some "older Christians" who had supposedly been in heaven awhile and promised to bring us to Him.

But first... we had to pass through the "gift shop."

There were (I kid you not) heaven souvenirs.
Angel dolls, bags, buttons, cash registers, more elevators...
Exactly everything you might ever see in a Bible book store.

I was about to pass through the final room and I stopped.
A booming voice stilled my heart.
"I'm not here."

I stood still.
The people marched ahead, bags in hand, like an after Thanksgiving crowd rushing a Walmart.
I stood still.

"I'm not here."
It all hit me at once - the weight of the sadness - the realization that I wouldn't be seeing Jesus that day.
It sunk in deep as I rode the elevator down..down...down...down.
Down from the wrong heaven, back to earth...to wait a little while longer.

Disappointment, then relief, then peace.
It had all felt so weird, and so wrong, riding the elevators, feeling like I didn't belong....
But neither did Jesus.
My Jesus.

I've been so tired of mainstream Christianity.
I've been angry by what happens in the name of Christ...what *I* do in the name of Christ.
I've been begging Jesus to tell me what matters, to tell me what is important, to help me love the things He loves, and to pierce through the confusion of shouting voices, fighting words, and a thousand scripture interpretations, just to let me know his heart.

This dream was like a piece of manna, a love letter, a gentle whisper just for me.

I hadn't found him in the aisles of the discount souvenir store in the sky.
I woke up happy and hopeful, with joy down to my bones.

Happy 6th Birthday Sera Sage

2010-03-16T21:32:00.000-07:00

There are so many things I don't remember about her birth.
I've gotten used to attributing the post-birth stupor to having had an epidural and feeling less connected, compared to the vivid birth I had with Amelie years later....But who knows.

Maybe it always feels like a dream that very first time....the only time you go from not being a mother, to being one.

It was late Tuesday night, March 16th 2004...
In between contractions I'd sway back and forth, leaning on my husband, trying to catch glimpses of the tv.
I didn't want to go to the hospital just yet...I didn't want to miss the end of American Idol;)
Just me, Josh and the cats, hanging around, waiting for a baby.
I had a birth plan, a bag of baby things, a car seat and 3 CDs full of music and we were on our way.

2:24am, March 17th 2004, the first thing I heard was Josh, saying "It's a girl."
I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe my intuition had been wrong....and I was SO relieved....
Not because subconsciously I wanted a girl, but because it was like SHE was supposed to be ours.
How could it have been a boy?
Instantly an absurd idea.

Her hand covered her whole face and I remember thinking she had big paws like a puppy.

I heard her cry, and I'd remember it hours later, in my sleep as though it were a sound I'd heard all my life that I'd recognize anywhere.
I could have picked her face out of a sea of faces.....mine.

Sera Sage. Evening. Wise.
I was anything but wise the night she was born, or the subsequent nights when she put up with me awkwardly handling her head trying to get her to eat, trying desperately to read her cries and cues only to be met with more crying, more frustration on both our ends.

The first night she was home with us, she lay upstairs in a wooden cradle and Josh and I sat in the living room feeling strange and alone.
It's a feeling I will never forget, because it was more like a haunting, ominous feeling...that I would maybe chock up to Post Partum Depression accept that Josh felt it too.

In retrospect, I think it was just the weight...the gravity...the reality of the heaviest thing we would ever feel.

Our love for her.
Overwhelming from the start.

Full of the knowledge that we didn't possibly know what we were doing, raising a child, and that the end result would be her, eventually leaving us.
Feeling like she already had begun the process, exiting my body and carrying my heart along with her.

I had never been a mother, she had never been a daughter, and so we were bonded and united in our determination to get it right...to get everything right, from nursing, to sleeping and starting all over again.

So here we are.
Sera, my dear... I have never had a 6 year old, and you have never been 6.
I feel the weight of my love as strong as the moment I first saw your face.
It still feels a bit like a fog - the last 6 years that have blown by like a torrent of firsts and tantrums and kisses and turned my baby into a little lady.
Then again, maybe it always will feel like a dream.
I love you Sera Sage.

I made this slideshow for Sera's 1st bday. Getting nostalgic watching it again:

I will sing a new song....

2010-02-06T00:37:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's the season I'm in, of self revelation and learning to be honest about pain and fear...
Maybe I've realized that there are broken things I can never fix in the world, in the lives of my friends, or in myself.
Maybe It's the aching joy I have felt seeing the kindness of my daughters run over, or watching my husband smile as they belly laugh.
Maybe it is the community we have been welcomed into, where friends have become family, and strangers have become friends we have known forever...
Whatever the cause, the season I am in is full of emotion.

I am an honest songwriter, but I do cheat.
I steal ideas from my circumstances.
I pull the lyrics out of my days.
I'm not good at making up stories about break-ups or make-ups or anything I'm not in the middle of.

Lately I have felt exposed, raw and worn down to my most honest bones.
I wouldn't say "I've found myself" so much as I've found what's been missing.
Not anything huge, more like pieces of the puzzle, even the painful pieces, that needed to be put back in place so I could be whole again...so I could understand the joy and breadth and depth of the other lovely parts of me that were created by a good God.

If I sit down and write a song about anything else, I feel like a liar.
It's just how I operate.
I love artists who are genuine; I love songs that tell a story, even if you never know the whole story.

I'm pretty sure I don't know my whole story yet, but I do know that for the first time, I am ready to dig into some pretty murky depths and come out with a song.
Well, maybe not so much "ready" as "compelled".

Either way, It's a new year, a new me, and new songs are coming, ready or not.
xo
FP

Either way

FAWM 2010! - Let's Make another Album Together!

2010-01-12T09:42:00.000-08:00

Last year I participated (for the first time ever) in FAWM -February Album Writing Month.

You picked the titles, I wrote the songs - 14 songs to be exact.

One of those songs was chosen to be on the FAWM compilation album!

Can we do this again?

C'mon people-I need your song titles. Let's do it.

CLICK HERE to participate!

Meteor girl

2009-09-10T19:38:00.001-07:00

Just a few moments ago my sweet little girl came into the den when she was actually supposed to be asleep in her bed.
We've been talking a lot lately about space and dinosaurs and earth and meteors and apparently, the last part struck a nerve with my science obsessed girlie and she asked with a little quiver in her lip, "Will a meteor hit our house??"

I called Josh in because he is super SUPER good at not only explaining things in general, but explaining things to her, and being able to relate to her, being that they practically share the same logical, literal brain.

I sat there listening to the sweetness of Sera, asking question after question, and hearing Josh give logical, thorough answers, knowing she trusts him with her whole heart and he loves her completely with his.

Even after a long explanation about how we have telescopes to see into space with, and how we could prepare for such a disaster, and how most meteors are very small, etc. etc., she still paused, teared up and said, "I can't stop thinking about it!"
Now there's something mama can relate to.

Josh brought her back in her room... and now between the crickets and the silence of a house that is trying to settle in for the night, I can hear their sleepy voices chattering about rockets, and space and astronauts... and I love my precious family.

Show Tonight in Chattanooga!

2009-09-05T07:18:00.001-07:00

Day with Mimi and Nona

2009-08-13T12:43:00.000-07:00

I took the girls and Mimi to San Simeon to visit my mom's (relatively) new place up on the hill.
It's across the highway from the ocean, close to Hearst Castle nestled far back on a large and rugged ranch.

We went down to Cambria to walk around the shops, and then on to Morro Bay to eat at the Haufbrau and visit the Sea Lions on the docs.
This was an almost weekly tradition when we lived here (Haufbrau) and it was so sad when we first moved to Nashville and Sera kept asking to go to the "Sea Lion Place". Yeah, there are none of those in Nashville. She was very happy to reunite with the water mammals.

The ranch

Mimi and the girls. Sera is wearing my award winning "Pioneer Days" costume, circa 1986.

Eli, the sweetest dog ever, who I rescued from the pound 13 years ago.

My mom, aka "Nona" and the girls. The ocean is just over the hills behind them.

Nona's "Little House"

Morro Bay:

Amelie is eating lemons dipped in tartar sauce.
Here's hoping she still has enamel left on her teeth.

Papa came to pick up Nona and the girls couldn't resist piling on the couch.
Usually they like to steal his cane and run away.

What a fun day with both the grandmas! We love you!

Avila Fish & Farmer's Market

2009-08-13T12:31:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago we hit the Avila Farmer's Market to score some Fish Tacos.
They did not disappoint.

We spent the afternoon playing with Mimi at the park, perusing the local goods, running from the bees and enjoying the only (mostly) predictably sunny beach on the Central Coast.

(Angry and not wanting her picture taken)

(in a better mood after talking to Daddy)

(Sera talking to Daddy)

Pebbles the Pony (Cayucos w/The Oakes pt 2)

2009-08-09T23:22:00.000-07:00

What lucky little girls to have their own pony!
Grandpa and Grandma got her for the grandkids and she lives on the ranch where Dorothy, the horse expert takes wonderful care of her.
The girls have had a few pony lessons now, and some of the pics below are of them learning how to treat a horse, what side to get on, the names for the equipment, etc.

These photos are of their 2nd and 3rd visits with Pebbles.
Josh was there the first time they met her, and took these photos.

(A shot of the big horses for perspective. That pony is tiny!)

These were taken during our 3rd visit out there. After a few lessons with Dorothy, the girls were ready to take Pebbles out beyond the area and out for a long walk behind the house:

"Indian headbands" made with Abalone shell we found:

(baby snail)

Flying Kites:

Thank you Grandpa and Grandma Dorothy. You are so special to us, and we love visiting your little Oasis by the sea!

Cayucos with the Oakes, Part 1

2009-08-09T21:08:00.000-07:00

Grandpa (Josh's Dad - Frank) and Grandma Dorothy live in Cayucos when they are not working (and living) in Port Hueneme.
Right across the highway from the ocean, their place is secluded, warm, and absolutely beautiful. Across the highway the other direction (at the coast) is the Abalone Farm, where Josh lived from the time he was 10 until he was about 16.
Our visits usually result in the girls not wanting to leave and me falling asleep in a lawn chair.
So peaceful.
I wrote the blog in 2 parts since I got SO many great pictures during our many visits out to the Oakes' place.
Josh took pics of the girls collecting boysenberries and you can see them HERE.

The property, yard and surrounding areas:

(backyard)

(Beyond the backyard - My mom's place is north, over the hills on the left)

Time in the yard with Grandpa and Grandma Dorothy:

Playing in the "tunnels" in the yard:

Makin' pies with freshly picked boysenberries:

The girls and the Beagles:

Picking Veggies in the Garden:

*Stay tuned for Part 2 - Pebbles The Pony

Catching up - SLO visit w/Josh

2009-08-09T18:40:00.000-07:00

I arrived from tour in Ca on July 11th. Josh flew in the same day and stayed with us a full week.
It was really hard to say goodbye knowing I wouldn't see him for a month after that, but the days he spent out here were relaxing yet full, including trips to Josh's dad's house, Josh's birthday with friends, and the family reunion in Cayucos.

For Josh's 32nd, we had our best friends in SLO county come over for some pizza and home made carrot cake. The Millers - Ryan, Sarah, Hattie and newborn Tilly, The Rooks - Bret, Andrea, Natalie and the soon-to-be-born Naomi, The Lundeens - Karl, Erin, Sören and the soon-to-be-born Anika, and The Ingalls - Cameron, Anna, and Asher--who is still busy growing, and too tiny to be born just yet:)

We had the shin dig at Carson's (Josh's mom's house) and my mom and her husband Steven and Marty and Roxanne (my bro and sis-in-law) were all able to stop by!

The Millers and Andrea

Sarah, Amelie, and Papa Steven

My first go at Carrot Cake - Josh's grandmother's recipe

Josh and the girls, Cam and Anna in the background.

Bret and Karl

She's getting SO old.

Sweet Natalie Rooks

The next day we went to lunch with Ryan and his daughter Hattie. I had my favorite from Mondeo's - Asian Spa Salad and fresh Ginger Ale.

Amelie grabbing Hattie

More grabbing

I don't care where you are from, or where you have been, I can gaurauntee we have a better Farmer's Market in SLO. It's simply the best. I miss it, and I made sure to get 3 of them in on our trip so far, and will probably be there this Thursday night.

Erin, Josh, Sera and Bret, outside of Firestone.

My "best friend of 23 years" Erin, sharing strawberries with Amelie.

Family Reunion in Cayucos

2009-08-06T21:48:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago we were able to get together with most of Josh's mom's side of the family for an entire weekend in Cayucos.
We hadn't all been together in a long time, and definitely not since all of us have had kids, so it was great to see all of the littles interacting with each other!

The group included:
Josh's mom Carson, Aunt Donna, Aunt Mary & Uncle Steve (who made the beautiful engagement ring I managed to lose after only 5 years of marriage), his cousin Aristea, her husband Turner and their little boy Hudson, his cousin Thad & his wife Nicole and their sweet baby girl Maren, his brother & sister-in-law, Nate and Christina, and our nephew Xander, and us. MIA was poor Hillary (Josh's cousin) who had just had a tonsilectomy.
We missed you Hill!
Now you can Sera can have something to talk about at future family reunions;)

I only took pics at the park...and a lot of our nephew Xander because he is seriously SUCH a cutie.

Josh linked to his photos from that day HERE.

Thad and Nicole posted a cute video of Amelie and Maren HERE.

Mini Update

2009-08-03T10:05:00.000-07:00

Me and the girlies in Morro Bay

Sorry for the lack of updates/pics.
We have been having a wonderful time gallivanting all over the central coast.
We left Nashville on July 7th, got to CA on the 11th and we have been here ever since, and we don't go home until August 20th.
It's so nice.

I have been taking TONS of pictures, so they will be posted soon.
Many of them are of the girls just having fun at the beaches and parks with Nona and Mimi, riding their pony "pebbles" at Grandpa and Grandma Oakes' and eating.
Yes. We have lots of pictures of food.

(fish tacos from the Avila Beach Fish & Farmer's Market)

California is being very, very good to us...except for my allergies which are WILD here.

We have been away from Josh for 2 full weeks and we have about 2 1/2 left to go.
In the meantime, we keep up by video chatting. It's nice, but not as good as the real thing;)

Video Chat

Avila Beach Park - Sera on the phone with Daddy

Avila Beach Park - Amelie on the phone with Daddy

Cayucos

The reservoir on Old Creek Road halfway between Cayucos and Templeton.

I'll post proper entries soon.....

Show tonight @The Clubhouse!

2009-07-31T10:11:00.000-07:00

Port Hueneme with the Oakes

2009-07-26T00:10:00.000-07:00

Soooo...the bulk of the tour shows ended on Sunday, July 19th and I had a week's break before the next show.
Josh flew out for that week and we had a whirlwind vacay together, visiting various family along the Ca coast.

Josh's dad and his dad's wife Dorothy live part time in Port Hueneme where they work during the week (near Ventura-southern California) and part time in Cayucos, on the Central Coast where we were from, and where most of our other family lives.

The girls had never been to their Port Hueneme house, so we stopped there overnight on our way up to SLO from L.A.

It was SO beautiful, and their house is walking distance to parks and the beach, so of course the girls had a blast.

Monday afternoon we walked to the park with the dogs, fed the ducks and geese, walked to the beach and then got soaking wet!
The girls couldn't resist being on the beach for the first time in a year without jumping right in, despite the fact that they didn't have their bathing suits on.

There are so many pictures, I'm just going to post them all and keep the words to a minimum:

Makin' pancakes Tuesday morning:

At the beach in proper attire:

Thanks Grandpa and Grandma Oakes, we loved our time in Hueneme!

Concert tonight in Atascadero!

2009-07-19T09:04:00.000-07:00

Tour Day Three - ABQ

2009-07-17T13:00:00.000-07:00

Read about it on the music blog!

Tour Day Two: OKC

2009-07-12T08:41:00.000-07:00

Tour Day Two is up on the music blog!

Hotel Cafe Tonight!

2009-07-12T08:30:00.000-07:00

Oklahoma City Tonight!

2009-07-08T06:58:00.001-07:00

Tour Day One: Little Rock

2009-07-07T21:26:00.001-07:00

CLICK HERE for videos and pics of the first day on the road...

New record and summer tour!

2009-07-01T12:26:00.001-07:00

Friends,
There is so much happening around here!

*My latest record, "Coming Around" is available!
The record is available as a digital only release for now and for a limited time, you can download the entire album for FREE or pay what you think is fair for the music!
Follow the link for details:

http://floparis.net/free-music

(If you're on Twitter or Facebook, it is SUPER helpful/awesome when you update your status letting everyone know you just downloaded the album - it helps spread the word!)

*Summer tour kicked off at my favorite East Nashville spot (Ugly Mugs) with an album release show featuring Eric Brown, Katy Bowser and Sandra McCracken.
Thanks to all who came out to listen and celebrate!

Take a look at the tour dates below and visit www.floparis.net for more information.
You can also click "events" on the Flo Paris fan page to get details, RSVP to events, etc.

7/7 - Little Rock, AR (TBA)
7/8 - Oklahoma City, OK (The Backroom w/Shannon Horn & Emery Clark)
7/9 - Albuquerque, NM (Southwest Gift Baskets and Coffee)
7/10 - Phoenix, AZ (TBA)
7/11 - Bellflower, CA (Angel City Café)
7/12 - Hollywood, CA (Hotel Café w/Lakes)
7/19 - Atascadero, CA (ABC)
7/31 - San Luis Obispo, CA (The Clubhouse)
9/5 - Chattanooga, TN (The Barking Legs)

I may possibly be adding Sacramento, CA to the summer tour and Memphis, TN and St. Louis, MO to the fall, so keep checking the website for details.

There will also be daily video blog entries at www.floparis.net/blog during the tour!

Take care, enjoy the record, and hope to see you on the road!
-Flo

Coming Around

2009-06-27T15:00:00.000-07:00

I'm off to my album release show.
Download the album for free, or pay what you want!

Stuff Christians Like

2009-06-17T08:43:00.000-07:00

This is freaking hilarious and SPOT ON. Sad/Funny.
My faaaavorite is the "memorial day" post. If I have to hear one more Christian sing "Proud to be an American" I might throw up.
By the way, I can still love Jesus and say that.

Stuff Christians Like

Trip to the Dairy Farm

2009-06-07T21:22:00.000-07:00

My friend Alison and I took our 4 precious girlies to our local dairy farm on Friday.
I would blog the whole thing, but turns out I'm actually pretty lazy, and since Alison has already done a fabulous job documenting the day, I am just going to link to hers ;)

"A Very Dairy Day"

Album Release Show

2009-05-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

Keep up on the music blog for the latest news.
News will be posted soon about the July tour!

Sera's Preschool Graduation...aka "Break My Heart"

2009-05-23T20:30:00.000-07:00

I was not prepared for Sera's preschool graduation.
First of all, she does not really even attend a "real" preschool, but a 2 day a week mother's day out program.
I knew there would be an end of the year program, and some sort of recognition for the 5 year olds who would enter Kindergarten in the fall.
I imagined paper graduation hats at the most.
What I did not expect, were caps, gowns, graduation songs, and tears...but that's exactly what I got:

Our last name is spelled wrong, as always.

Sera and her BFF Abby. I tried to pull Amelie aside out of the picture, but Sera said "No, I want her in!" Sweet sisters.

They had asked the kids a series of questions ahead of time and read them off as they walked down the aisle. It is impossible to hear in the video, so here is what the director is saying:

"Sera Oakes.
Sera wants to be a teacher when she grows up.
Her hero is Sam.
(as in, her friend Sam who is a year older than her. How precious is that!?)
Her favorite colors are pink and red.
Her favorite food is grapes.
She will be attending Kindergarten in the fall.
Her favorite part of Parent's Day Out was playing with Abby."
(Of course, Abby's answer to the same question, was "playing with Sera".
SO sweet)

Sera Reads

2009-05-14T12:56:00.000-07:00

Sera has been reading for awhile now, but usually in small bits and pieces. She is to the point now where she can sight read (mostly, without sounding out) and reads ALL the signs at the store every time we go out.
She loves the "BOB" books, and has pretty much mastered level one. I think we will be moving up to the next level soon!

Sera reading "Lad and the Fat Cat":

Window Shopping with Sera and Amelie

2009-05-14T07:26:00.000-07:00

I love window shopping and trying on clothes. This probably makes sense since I love shopping, AND I love clothes.
Anyway, even if I'm not going to buy them (which is most of the time), it's one of my favorite things to do.

Today I am carless, stuck at home, and "window shopping" online.
I was browsing the new stuff at H&M when I noticed the "dressing room."

Apparently you can plug in your measurements, upload a pic of your face, and voila-virtual dressing room!

I thought it would be fun to show the girls and let them pick out my outfits.

First is the outfit Sera chose:

She kept saying she wanted something "REALLY pretty"...jeans and a tee shirt would not do.
She picked everything you see here, including the hotel background and at the last minute decided against a pair of purple knee high tights. Probably a wise choice.

Amelie chose:

She really wanted me to wear a bathing suit. She also wanted me to be standing on the "pink and purple road." I kept asking if I should have anything else..shoes? A bag? She SCREAMED,
"I DON'T WANT ANY BAGS!!!"

She also was a little alarmed that this didn't cover my tummy. Believe me, I would be just as alarmed in real life. Mine does not now, nor ever will look like this. They did not have an "add stretch marks" button. Also, I am not tan.

Anyway...so random, but go try on some clothes online, and see what your kids come up with;)

Mother's Day '09

2009-05-10T21:36:00.000-07:00

Last night we all went to bed SUPER late, so I was totally and pleasantly surprised when 3 out of the 4 of us woke up at 10:15!
Sera was happily watching My Little Ponies.

We went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast, then to the Old Navy Outlet at the mall...these are things I know Josh does not love to do, but he didn't complain and just wanted me to have a fun day.

Me and my silly face-making girlies:

Amelie started it (of course) and demanded I join in:

They have been obsessed with holding "races" in the front yard lately:

Waiting for breakfast:

~Happy mother's day~

Sera on Submarines and Gardening

2009-05-03T21:18:00.001-07:00

This video makes me wonder how and when my little Sera Sage turn into such a kid?? She tells me it's because she's had a lot of birthdays. True. ;)

Sera's Submarine from flo Oakes on Vimeo.

Amelie's Pennies

2009-05-03T21:05:00.000-07:00

Going back and getting video off the flip. Found this one of Amelie and Josh counting change together.

Amelie's Pennies from flo Oakes on Vimeo.

Oh and let's not forget this one...

2009-05-03T21:02:00.001-07:00

Showing off surprises that came in the mail from Clarity and Cambria:)

This and That.

2009-05-03T20:55:00.001-07:00

I'm trying to get better about posting pictures.
So here are some random things:

I really wanted to post this one before we put the jacket away for the year. I bought this coat at Old Navy for Amelie for EIGHT dollars. I wished they had more or I would have bought them for all the sweet girls in our life (namely, Arabella:) Anyway, I LOVE this coat SO much. She calls it her "Bear" coat and think she is a baby bear when she wears it:

Sera and I split a cupcake and had "tea time" while Amelie napped one afternoon:

A.A. and E.E. being domestic. Amelie is wearing only an apron and underwear.

I had to pry the balloon out of her sweaty little hand while she slept. Sweet baby girl.

Not off the hook.

2009-04-25T21:17:00.000-07:00

So. Meg tagged me. Um. Thanks Meg.

The game is to take a picture of yourself right this second, no fixing hair, etc.

I thought as I was reading "oh I don't have to do this" then I read my name at the bottom. Whoops.

So here it is. Night 2 of no shower, after a day of having walked around the Nashville Zoo in 90 degree weather. Also one side of my hair is sticking out because I had been trying to run my fingers through it after finding something sticky in it.

I still don't know what it is. Maybe maple syrup from breakfast? It's 11pm here.

I don't know who to tag. If you read this, you're it.

Sera's Pony Party @ Fairytales

2009-04-24T19:56:00.000-07:00

Catching up. Valentines Day.

2009-04-23T10:28:00.001-07:00

Pink heart-shaped pancakes for breakfast...

Home-made gifts...

...And finally date night at home.

Easter 2009

2009-04-12T19:41:00.000-07:00

This Easter was much more enjoyable than last. And by "more enjoyable" I mean no Hand Foot and Mouth Disease.

Also, I found AMAZING vintage sheets at Goodwill and turned them into Easter dresses for the girls. They turned out cute, plus I sort of really like the hopefulness of old things becoming new..even old fabric:)

Photo Sesh with Amelie

2009-04-02T22:46:00.001-07:00

Josh took all these the day of Sera's party. I thought they were all cute enough to deserve their own blog post.

Mom's Visit Part 1 - Chattanooga

2009-03-30T20:12:00.000-07:00

I'll post pony party pics soon...but Josh has to get them to me off his camera. I can't even load them directly on to mine because of a software thing..soon, I promise!

My mom is in town from Cali and she is first staying with my siblings in Chattanooga before spending the tail end of her trip up here in Nashville with us.

We went down to Chattanooga for the weekend. It's about 2.5 hours south (and a little bit east) of Nashville.

Mom, my niece Clarity, and my nephew Matthew, and Sera hiding in the background!

Mom, and in order of age: Morgan, Matthew, Clarity, Sera, Amelie and Cambria

SO excited to see Nona!

Me and my mom..I was wearing VERY tall wedge sandals.

Amelie took Cami's Potato Head, and refused to acknowledge the injustice.

Catching up....soon

2009-03-26T08:42:00.001-07:00

Ok, so I know I haven't been that great of a blogger lately.
I'll be catching up soon.

Soon to come wlll be Sera's 5th Bday Post - Pony Party Extravaganza - as well as some great new quotes....Particularly from Amelie, who lately has insisted that daddy is going to make her birthday cake this year, as well as push out a baby.
It's a toss up as to which is more likely, but I'm betting on the first.

We have been currently in planning mode for the following:
*Various Parties and Gatherings
*Spring Garden (just ordered heirloom seeds online!)
*Backyard fence
*Chicken coop/chickens
*Easter dresses for the girls from AWESOME vintage sheets I found at Goodwill
*My mom coming to visit
*Josh's brother and sister-in-law and ADORABLE little boy coming to visit
*CD release show
*Summer tour/trip to CA
*Homeschooling Sera for Kindergarten and looking for other programs to enroll her in

We have been enjoying the amazing weather and getting out of the house with friends many days of the week.

I have also connected with another mom who has 2 girlies at home.
They are roughly the same ages as our girls, and SUPER similar in personalities.
We met (through mutual friends) on Thursday, and wound up hanging out like, 4 days in a row, plus yesterday. I LOVE their mom...the girls get along great, and I feel like it is a complete answer to prayer for me for the girls to have other girl friends to play with. And they are all SUCH sweet funny girls together!

Sera, Ella, Sadie and Amelie holding their My Little Ponies and watching My Little Pony

Vote Your Faves!

2009-03-16T13:45:00.000-07:00

Your Turn Again!

Now that all the songs are out, there’s something else that I need your feedback on. The next step with these 14 songs for FAWM is to decide which 4 I should take into the studio. That’s going to be decided by your votes!

The songs are here to listen to if you need a refresher, so have a listen and vote for the 4 you think I should record at studio quality. You can vote for 4 songs every 24 Hours. The poll will close Friday at Midnight.

CLICK HERE TO VOTE

Interview with Sera Sage

2009-03-12T11:55:00.000-07:00

I saw this on Gabe and Cheri's blog. Amelie is napping and I'm hanging with miss Sera, so I thought it would be fun to do.

1. What is something mommy always says to you?
Baby

2. What makes mommy happy?
Me smiling

3. What makes mommy sad?
Me not happy

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
Saying silly words

5. What was your mom like as a child?
I don't know!

6. How old is your mom?
I don't remember

7. How tall is your mom?
Holds hands about a foot apart. (Come on, I'm not THAT short, am I?)

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Play with me

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
Make dinner

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
I don't know

11. What is your mom really good at?
Washing the dishes

12. What is your mom not very good at?
Juggling! (true, true)

13. What does your mom do for her job?
Music

14. What's your mom's favorite food?
Sandwiches

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
Making food

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Alexa (the brown haired Barbie from "Barbie and the Diamond Castle")
Super accurate if I do say so myself. ;)

You Don't Know Me

2009-03-12T10:11:00.000-07:00

Today is my last day posting FAWM songs.

I don't often feel like songwriting is divinely inspired, or whatever...
I mean, to me, it's just work. Sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's fun, but in the end, I feel like it's just something I'm decent at, just like other people are good with numbers, or fixing toilets. It's the same. Not magical or mysterious.

The last day of writing, I wasn't even planning on this song. I wound up scrapping another title I had chosen, picking this one, and finishing writing and recording in under 2 hours.
At the end, I felt like it was one of those songs that was given to me.
Almost as if I had nothing to do with it, it just was there, waiting to be sung.

It may not be anyone else's favorite, or even close to it, but personally, it made me feel like it was worth the entire FAWM experience, just to have gleaned this one small treasure that almost didn't get written. Because of that, it brought a bit of magic and mystery back into music for me;)

"You Don't Know Me"

"The Girl in the Window"

2009-03-09T09:45:00.000-07:00

I read this news story online today.
It involves neglect/abuse, so don't read it if you are sensitive to that...I mean, we all are, but if you are especially so, don't read it.

It basically tells the story of a girl who was left without any interaction for the first few years of her life, and how she was a "feral child".
She has since been removed from the home, and adopted.

Anyway, the whole point of blogging this story is that I found this fact absolutely fascinating.
Researchers studying lack of interaction and comfort in primates found that hungry primates would rather be nurtured and comforted than eat.

"Primates need comfort even more than they need food," Armstrong said.

Combine that with the fact this:

"In the first five years of life, 85 percent of the brain is developed," said Armstrong.

It makes sense that so many children, especially children that have suffered abuse grow up with major issues, at the least.

I don't deny personal responsibility for one's actions, but I feel saddened thinking that many kids who turn out to be criminals, join gangs, etc., were once babies who were raised a certain way, and that set them on the path they would go down from the time they were small.

I know EVERY one has heard a story, or knows someone who overcomes that kind of situation, but I feel like that is definitely the exception, and there are scores of people who didn't even have a shot at normalcy. I am just heartbroken thinking this is not their fault, they are just children, and their future is being decided for them, in the hands of crazies.

It makes me feel so fortunate to have been raised in an environment rich with love and care, and to be able to provide that for my sweet girls!

Irrational Fears PT 2

2009-03-03T17:21:00.000-08:00

Remember this post?

Well, I think humor really is the best medicine sometimes:

Check it.

Thanks Bret, for the song idea;)

Sunday Laundry Shirt Dress GIVEAWAY!!!!

2009-03-03T13:21:00.000-08:00

Sunday Laundry Shirt Dress GIVEAWAY!!!!

I MUST win this dress.

FAWM Update!

2009-03-01T17:17:00.000-08:00

I am SO glad I decided to participate in FAWM this year. I previously had thought trying to write 14 songs in 28 days could only produce subpar work, but I feel like I came out a better songwriter at the end of it.

I am going to start posting songs for free download DAILY on my music blog, so please check it out and subscribe, if you haven't already!

Tomorrow the first song will post. There is an update on the blog now, with all the details.
Please spread the word, and visit often, and thank you for supporting independent music:)

Tales of a Music Mama

Messy Monday Begins...

Beauty and the Mess

Behind the FAWM Series #14 - "Take What You Want"

Full

Kickstarter Success!

Behind the FAWM Series #13 - "Bankrupt Heart"

Behind the FAWM Series #12 - "Broken Things"

Behind the FAWM Series #11 - "Let's Move to Stars Hollow"

Behind the FAWM Series #10 - "Slippery Slope"

Behind the FAWM Series #9 - "Your Side of the Bed"

Behind the FAWM Series #8 - "The Princess and the Fox"

Behind the FAWM Series #7 - "Bisous de France"

Behind The FAWM Series #6 - "White and Blue"

Behind The Fawm Series #5 - "Ritual"

Behind The Fawm Series #4 - "Pity Not the Armadillo"

Behind The Fawm Series #3 - "Hearing Voices"

1st Day of School

Behind the FAWM series #2 - "Mittens & Magnets"

Behind the FAWM Series #1-Songwriting

Let's Make *THIS* Album Together!

A Teaser...

The Dark Side of Dying

Food Justice

Snow Week. AKA Superdad.

Fall Fashion Week - Friday

Fall Fashion Week - Thursday

Fall Fashion Week - Wednesday

Fall Fashion Week - Tuesday

Fall Fashion Week - Monday

Music Mama Part Four - Perfect Timing

Tired.

The Lost Tooth

Lilith Fair

To Vote on FaceBook:

To Vote Not on FaceBook:

Sensory Processing Disorder. A Long, *Long* Tale.

Heaven

Happy 6th Birthday Sera Sage

I will sing a new song....

FAWM 2010! - Let's Make *another* Album Together!

Meteor girl

Show Tonight in Chattanooga!

Day with Mimi and Nona

Avila Fish & Farmer's Market

Pebbles the Pony (Cayucos w/The Oakes pt 2)

Cayucos with the Oakes, Part 1

Catching up - SLO visit w/Josh

Family Reunion in Cayucos

Mini Update

Show tonight @The Clubhouse!

Port Hueneme with the Oakes

More Tour Posts!

Concert tonight in Atascadero!

Tour Day Three - ABQ

Tour Day Two: OKC

Hotel Cafe Tonight!

Oklahoma City Tonight!

Tour Day One: Little Rock

New record and summer tour!

Coming Around

Stuff Christians Like

Trip to the Dairy Farm

Album Release Show

Sera's Preschool Graduation...aka "Break My Heart"

Sera Reads

Window Shopping with Sera and Amelie

Mother's Day '09

Sera on Submarines and Gardening

Amelie's Pennies

Oh and let's not forget this one...

This and That.

Not off the hook.

Sera's Pony Party @ Fairytales

Catching up. Valentines Day.

Easter 2009

Photo Sesh with Amelie

Mom's Visit Part 1 - Chattanooga

Catching up....soon

Vote Your Faves!

Let's Make THIS Album Together!

Sensory Processing Disorder. A Long, Long Tale.

FAWM 2010! - Let's Make another Album Together!